The North and The South
The North has Bloomingdale’s , the South has Dollar General .
The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses .
The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .
The North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.
The North has green salads, the South has collard greens .
The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish .
The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt .
If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store…Do not buy food at this store.
Get used to hearing ‘You ain’t from round here, are ya?’
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner’s vocabulary is the adjective ‘big’ol,’ truck or ‘big’ol’ boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
‘He needed killin.’ is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, ‘Hey, y’all watch this,’ you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think we will accept them as Southerners . After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain’t gonna call ‘em biscuits.