Forty Five More
Yesterday, Chamblee 54 printed a guide to life. It was written by a lady in Cleveland, OH. PG got to thinking about the list. If you saw a mushroom cloud over Peachtree Industrial Boulevard, that is what it was. He decided to write his own list, inspired by the original, but different enough to avoid copyright issues. As with all speculation, the following list is best read with an open mind and a negative attitude.
01- Fair is when a baseball is hit between first and third base. Sometimes it is a controversial call. 02- When in Georgia, just take a drink. 03-Life is too hateful to waste time on religion.04- Family and friends might help, your job might help, insurance might pay the bills, and the government might bail out the insurance company. 05- Interest on credit card debt is a bad investment. 06- Only argue when it is worthwhile. Don’t argue just to have fun. Better yet, don’t argue. 07-Cry because you are happy. 08- Getting angry with G-d is like getting angry with standard time. 09- You don’t have to spend all your money at once. Save a bit now and then, and think of a reason later. 10-The sugar and chemicals in commercial chocolate covers up much of the taste. The real thing cannot hurt you. 11- Make pizza with your pasta so it wont screw up your salad. 12- It’s OK to let your children see you watch TV. 13- There once was a band called Journey. They played corporate rock and made lots of money. That is not a life to compare yours to. 14-There was a TV game show, “I’ve Got A Secret”. It did not relate to anything. 15- If you turn your back on G-d, she will still be looking you in the eyes. 16- Take a deep mind, it calms the breath. If that fails, use mouthwash. 17- Politicians, like diapers, should be changed frequently. 18- Some sayings should be outlawed. They have been used too much, and no longer mean anything. 19- The trouble is, some people are on the third and fourth childhood. 20-Show compassion for your neighbor. Sometimes what you want is more pain to him that pleasure to you. 21-Burn the fancy lingerie and wear the candles. One size fits all. 22- A river goes with the flow without preparation. The water is still polluted. 23- If you have to ask permission, you probably don’t need to. 24- Elbows, armpits, and neck scruff disagree with claims made about the brain. 25- If you charge your happiness, pay the bill at the end of the month. 26- Your reaction to the disaster cannot wait five years. Act now, using the best judgment you have. 27- Cheerios taste better than Life cereal, and People magazine has better pictures than Life. 28- Jesus Worshipers are like teenage boys…the more they talk about forgiveness the less they practice it. 29-If you don’t want someone to hear what you say, keep your voice down. 30- Time wounds all heels. This is especially true in North Carolina. 31- There was a man from Mississippi who went to New Orleans. He took a ten dollar bill and a white shirt. He did not change either one. 32-Mr. Roebuck did not take his partner Sears-iously. 33-The middle three letters of the word Believe is LIE. 34- G-d is a neutral. She loves and hates in equal measure. 35- Show up, Stay awake, and don’t kill anybody. 36-If youth is wasted on the young, is maturity wasted on the mature?37-When you make a list like this, don’t worry about contradicting yourself. 38- The hokey pokey really is what it’s all about. 39- Never wrestle with an pig. You will get dirty, and the pig will enjoy it. 40- Be careful when you ask for something, you might get it. 41- A man thought he was green with envy once. It was really gangrene. 42- The pest is yet to come, but she will go away later. 43- Put your pants on one leg at a time, and put on a dress the same way. 44- Smile, and people will wonder what you are up to. 45- Use spell check, and try to use correct grammar. You will sound smarter than you are.