Chamblee54 is normally a profanity free blog. However, for this piece, certain cuss words are essential to the free flow of information. In other words IF YOU DON’T LIKE CUSS WORDS, YOU DO NOT NEED TO READ THE TEXT.
This text is going to be gender insensitive and use the male form throughout. Just remember, when you read he, it also means she and it. Or, she it. Those from the south will enjoy that last comment.
Recently, a radio whiner referred to a study, that said that one third of all people were not qualified to have opinions. This was said before a commercial break, without saying why this percentage should be without opinions. Possible reasons would be lack of education, inability to think critically, or a disturbing tendency to disagree with the person doing the study.
When it comes to opinions about opinions, there are several classic lines. There is the crowd pleaser “opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got theirs”.
This is missing the mark. Opinions have more in common with the shit that comes out of an asshole. Feces is the product of food fed into the digestive system. Opinions are the result of information (and misinformation) fed into the thought system. Doodoo is influenced by the digestive system, like opinions are influenced by the attitudes, and thought patterns, of the individual. They all stink.
Another golden oldie is “Four Jews, Five opinions”. The numbers in the formula change from time to time, but that is the basic concept. There is also “You are entitled to your opinion”. This is usually said when you disagree with what you have just heard.
When the Supreme Court issues a ruling on a case, It is called an Opinion. Sometimes, a justice will write a dissenting opinion. When getting an insurance company to pay for a procedure, you often need to get a second opinion.
Opinions are frequently more valued by the giver than by the receiver. Some opinions are best kept to the owner. You should be wary of someone who feels that his shit does not stink, because he will usually feel the same about his opinions.
Opinions are seldom humble, no matter what the owner of the opinion might say. In fact, the act of holding an opinion is often self aggrandizing, and contrary to humility.
You don’t have to have an opinion about everything. Many things are beyond or control, or do not interest you. Also, you should be wary of those who try to “fire up” your opinions. Often these people do not have the best of motives.
Opinions are seen as a way of asserting ones individuality. Many people have lives of quiet desperation, full of struggle and turmoil. There are many situations where what the individual thinks is simply useless to the powers that be. In times like this, having opinions can restore a sense of self worth to the individual. I am somebody. I have my opinion.
The commentary above is a repost . It goes along with the recent two part episode on the dodgy subject of truth. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. These men fought in the War Between the States. Pictures one, two, seven, and eight (from top to bottom) are Confederates. Pictures three through six are Union soldiers.
PG is reading I Remember Margaret Mitchell by Yolande Gwin. It is a collection of memories of Peggy Marsh, who wrote “Gone with the Wind”. ( If you didn’t know that, just close this window, and go look for your “friends” on facebook.)
Yolande Gwin was for many years the society editor of the Atlanta Constitution. She wrote a review of GWTW in 1936, before it’s publication. Mrs. Marsh sent her a letter of appreciation… “I never dreamed you were going to give me so much space. I thought, as the resume of the story was so long. that you’d just give an introductory paragraph and let me ride. And I’d have ridden, just as happy as a n—-r at a hog killing. But all that space, so long a story. so completely flattering a story – well. I’m still blushing about the ankles, as Jurgen once remarked … And oh, Yolande. how nice of you to refer to me as a “young author!” Me, who have passed the broiling stage and the frying stage and am rapidly approaching the roasting and baking stage. “
There is probably going to be a second post about I Remember Margaret Mitchell. Chamblee54 is not responsible for GWTW junkies who overdose on Margaret Mitchell trivia. This post is about fact checking, google, and how a couple of simple questions can turn into an all afternoon goose chase.
There are two basic questions: Was Yolande Gwin married, and did she work for the Journal or the Constitution? As for the first, the expression Ms. sounds like a mosquito with a speech impediment, and is not appropriate for use with an society page writer. The trouble is, Miss or Mrs. depends on the marital status of the woman. After an hour or so of looking up google results, PG cannot find out whether or not Yolande Gwin was married. Sometimes, the correct answer is “I don’t know”.
As for the second, an obituary for the lady says that she wrote for the Journal-Constitution for fifty years. The fact is, the Journal and Constitution were competing papers until they were combined in 1982. ( Cox Enterprises bought the Constitution in 1950, making them sister papers rather than competitors.) As for who Yolande Gwin wrote for, there are contradictory stories on the internet. A google book about rural electrification says that Yolande Gwin wrote for the Constitution, and that is good enough for PG. (The Atlanta History Center says the Yolande Gwin wrote for the Journal. They have a picture of the lady, with a ghastly AHC watermark across her face.)
Another google book, The last linotype: the story of Georgia and its newspapers since World War II By Millard B. Grimes confirms that Yolande Gwin worked for the Constitution. “”One day I was sitting there looking at a blank sheet of paper; I didn’t have any news. And that’s when I happened to remember kidding Peggy (Margaret Mitchell) about writing the “Great American Novel.” so I called her up and said, ‘How about that Great American Novel. have you ever finished it? I need some news.’ She said, ‘You won’t believe it, but Macmillan has taken it.’ And I said, ‘Goody, goody. Grand.’ And I put a piece in the column (written under the name Sally Forth) about it, never expecting it to be what it was, you know.” The dale was February 9, 1936.”
One more google result links to a fishwrapper story about Real Housewives of Atlanta . A commenter named Beatrice P. says Yolande Gwin is turning over in her grave! The pictures (except for Yolande Gwin) are from ” The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”.
I think we’re having a misunderstanding about what I mean by emotional truth aka “your truth.” It’s a new concept for me too. When PG copied this phrase, it was one left click away from a google search. This yielded 688 results. This is the same number as a rock’nroll club on Spring Street. One block over, on West Peachtree Street, 688 is a Catholic Construction Services office.
On this sunday morning before memorial day, it seems like a good idea to pursue some of these links. Maybe someone in result one through ten has the answer, or even can articulate the question. The first link is a lady who is under pressure. The second is about truth in game design.
The third link made PG stop, if only for a minute. Some guy named Jeffy is promoting a book called Get Laid or Die Trying . He has a video, of him speaking to one person, in a hotel conference room. There is a quote from Tupak Shakur about players and bitches. PG gets the impression that Jeffy is selfish and manipulative. At the end, the book gets one more plug… “Hate to be such an annoying ass (not really), but if you haven’t got a copy of the book yet, get it today. It’s really good! I swear! Excellent coffee table book and perfect for the bathroom.
The me me me meme gets a further workout in Saying “Yes” to Me … The Business End Of Things . The money quote:”Many of you read my chapter titled “Say ‘Yes’ to Me” in last year’s best-seller, Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories from Inspiring Women. When I wrote that chapter, I felt as if the very foundations of my life had shifted. I wrote that I knew that there would be ripple effects, but didn’t know what. Well, now I know!”
A Reality Sandwich is for people who cannot afford a drug burger. One of the most commented on stories is “Lady Gaga: The Visionary Rebirth of the Divine Mother Monster”. The linked feature deals with flying saucers. “Carl Jung recognized that the flying saucer as an archetype represented a development in the collective Psyche — and the round shape of the UFO, like the circular form of most crop circles, made it a symbol of psychic wholeness. “
Naked Hunger talks about a woman who wants to lose weight. Nobody said that “my truth” was going to interest anyone except me! “In the dieting framework, our desire for food becomes the enemy – there to tempt us and thwart our efforts to be healthy and thin. We enter into a war we will never, I repeat never, win: woman against her appetite.”
World Rewrite is “Just another Fractal Computers Network site.” It uses a WordPress template identical to the one used by Your Body of Wisdom. This is another person who is greatly impressed by self. “I live inside the cave of crystals and I am turned inside out, but the people here who are still living all have separate illusions, so to one I’ll be a lover and the other a killer. That is just what happens when you reconfigure the field or take another name, your perception of it all continues to reflect to great extremes. So everyone’s your lover, everyone’s your friend, everyone has motives, everyone pretends.”
Returning to the Ancient Paths is the last site we will explore today, and the only one to quote the Bible. “For your grace is there before my eyes, and I live my life by your truth. Psalms 26:3 Here we can see that the author of the psalm used a hebrew linguistic resource called Synthetic Parallelism, meaning that the idea in the first part of a line/verse (grace) is expanded or developed into a fuller thought in the second part of a line (truth) or another verse. So we can interpret that as the Truth is an expanded thought of Grace. Awesome!”.
Pictures for today are from The Library of Congress
Monday is the observance of Memorial Day. According the invaluable Wikipedia, this holiday began as Decoration Day. It was intended to honor the soldiers who died in the Union Army during the War Between the States. It was expanded after World War I to honor casualties of any war or military action. Today, Memorial Day is the start of summer. It is a time of great merriment.
The official birthplace of Memorial Day is Boalsburg, Pennsylvania. The village was credited with being the birthplace because it observed the day on May 5, 1866, and each year thereafter. It is likely that the friendship of General John Murray, a distinguished citizen of Waterloo, and General John A. Logan, who led the call for the day to be observed each year and helped spread the event nationwide, was a key factor in its growth. General Logan had been impressed by the way the South honored their dead with a special day and decided the Union needed a similar day.”
In the South, Confederate Memorial Day was observed. The day chosen was April 26. On April 26, 1865, Confederate General Joseph E. Johnston surrendered to Union General William T. Sherman. The question arises, does modern Memorial Day honor the Confederate soldiers who died?
Before we get too far along, we should say out loud that slavery was not a good idea. It was terrible for the African Americans. It was backwards economically, and dragged the South into a war which damaged it for many years post bellum. The War Between the States had several causes, slavery being one of the important ones. Once the Union won the war, this is the cause that the history books mentioned. Many of the men who fought for the Confederacy did not own slaves. The slaveowners were a dirty bunch. They enslaved the Black people, and got the poor whites to fight in their war.
There is this problem in history of the soldiers who died fighting for the losing side. We do owe our freedoms and way of life to the soldiers who sacrificed in battle. But what to make of these Confederate soldiers who died so their rich neighbors could keep their slaves? They are just as brave as the Union troops, often fighting with less food, weapons and clothing.
The modern side to this dilemma is the Vietnam Vet. Often drafted, sent to fight a war which few wanted, these brave soldiers have been dumped on. While the war did not end well, they are every bit as valiant as those who fought in other conflicts. When (and if) the current conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan are over, it is hoped that the troops who served there will be treated with honor.
The text today is a repost. Confederate Memorial Day was remembered in a post last month. Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
PG found himself mixed up in a facebook discussion on the murkey subject of “truth”. The last comment on this journey started “I think we’re having a misunderstanding about what I mean by emotional truth aka “your truth.” It’s a new concept for me too.” The more PG thought, the more he saw to write about. The pictures today are by PG, and were taken March 17, 2011. Some of those people are not what they appear to be.
In the interest of narrowing down the subject, we will focus today on a site called Literally Unbelievable. (HT to dangerousminds) It seems like some people see stories at The Onion, and do not realize that they are joking. These people go on facebook, and make the darndest comments.
The first issue we will tackle today involves this story: Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex . The facility is in Topeka KS, which is convenient for the Westboro Baptist crowd. Apparently, some people think this is real . “Please tell me this is NOT true! America, please wake up!!! Killing babies is NOT normal! They will give pedicures to the moms after their abortion! Federally funded and all! so sad!!!” “Omg! And in the, Biblebelt no less! I became nauseous after reading this! I am appalled!!!!! The last part of article validate my thoughts. Now, women as well as men do not have to take responsibilities for preventing pregnancies. Just go to the plex.”
Other onionoids taken seriously include a state department official, Nelson Milstrand , forced to resign after saying Israel was not perfect. A google search for this link shows that not only facebookers were fooled by this item. Antony Loewenstein quotes the story verbatim. My Posting Career posts the quote under a header ad, ” Protect peace in the middle east, show your support for Israel, click here”. There was a commenter there...”The Onion makes me want to vomit. More jewgenda being thrown in our faces. I know what most jews will probably think after reading this. Since the onion made a funny about it, that means in reality, :juden: only fires people when they are raving lunatic anti-semite nazis! See, isnt it silly to even think that a jew would fire some good gentile like Nelson Milstrand? Golly gee, the onion is soooo funny. ”
This is going on the same week that Mr. Netanyahu gave a speech before congress. He referred to the Bible, and said this book gave Israel ownership of some disputed territories. Some say the Bible is the inerrant word of G-d. The representatives gave Mr. Netanyahu 29 standing ovations during his speech. Is the word truth obsolete?
There is one more reply to the search for Nelson Milstrand. A blog with the u challenged name of niqnaq prints the onion story. In the comments is a quote from Elie Wiesel.. “Some stories are true that never happened.. That goes along with the concept that life is bad fiction.
PG recently got a message email about the second amendment. It starts off like this:
A true story: A single woman heard a burglar breaking in her back door…when the police arrived they found the woman raped with her throat cut lying across a bloody bed!… IF THIS WOMAN HAD HAD A 20 GAUGE SHOTGUN, LOADED AND SHE WAS SITTING ON THE END OF HER BED, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE LAST DOOR THAT BURGLAR KICKED IN!!!!
You can read the rest of the message here .
Andrew Sullivan tells a different story today.
As the SWAT team forced its way into his home, [Jose] Guerena, a former Marine who served two tours of duty in Iraq, armed himself with his AR-15 rifle and told his wife and son to hide in a closet. As the officers entered, Guerena confronted them from the far end of a long, dark hallway. The police opened fire, releasing more than 70 rounds in about 7 seconds, at least 60 of which struck Guerena. He was pronounced dead a little over an hour later.
The Pima County Sheriff’s Department initially claimed Guerena fired his weapon at the SWAT team. They now acknowledge that not only did he not fire, the safety on his gun was still activated when he was killed. Guerena had no prior criminal record, and the police found nothing illegal in his home.
Pictures are from The Library of Congress
This is a double repost from this time three years ago. It was a simpler time. America was struggling with a choice between BHO and JSM. Sarah Palin was taking care of a newborn baby. Radio whiner Herman Cain said that the MET TRICKS of the economy were good. The money meltdown did not take place until September. PG had moved Chamblee54 to wordpress in February of 2008, and was posting up a storm by late May.
PG and his neighbor DA went out to drink beer and shoot pool. The destination ,the Watering Hole, used to be a veterans of foreign wars. There was a TV repair store next door. When the county legalized bars, the VFW went somewhere else, and the Watering Hole was born. The TV repair store became the game room. You could see on the floor where the counter used to be.
This was a weeknight. One of the few other customers was a gentleman who was already past his limit. The drunk was fussing at the bartender about something when PG and DA walked in.
PG got lucky and hit a good shot on the pool table. He got a bit cocky and said And now for my next trick The drunk staggered into the game room, and lay down on an empty pool table. DA replied Is that your next trick?
Before long, it was time to go home. As PG and DA were leaving, the drunk was arguing with the bartender. He wanted to buy a twelve pack to take home with him. He won the argument, and started walking up Clairmont Road with his prize.
PG got a block or so away from the place, when he realized what was going on. He turned around, and saw the drunk sitting in front of a seven eleven store. He was sitting on the curb drinking a beer.
PG drove in front of him and stopped the car. DA got out, walked over to the curb, picked up the eleven pack, and walked over to the car with it. The drunk stood up and yelled obscenities as the car pulled off into the night.
There is a man known as XWinger. He sells Celtic music, promotes DimSum groups, and has a blog.
Once at his place I saw a link to a site that tells you what the Number One song was on that day. The arbiter of number oneness is Billboard Magazine .
The List goes back to 1892. On January 1, 1892, the #1 hit was “Drill, Ye Terriers, Drill” by George J. Gaskin. I imagine that before a certain date this would refer to sheet music, or maybe player piano thingies. Other big hits from the Gay Nineties include “The Fatal Wedding” (1894, George J. Gaskin), “Little Alabama Coon” (1895. Len Spencer) and ” A Hot Time in the Old Town”(1897, Dan Quinn).
When my daddy was born in 1916, the top hit was “M-O-T-H-E-R ( A Word that Means So Much to Me) by Henry Burr. When mother was born in 1922, the big hit was “Stumbling” by Paul Whiteman.
In October 1929, the stock market crashed to “Am I Blue” by Ethel Waters. When Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, the big song was “Chattanooga Choo Choo” by Glenn Miller. Mr. Miller joined the Army after the start of the War, and toured with a band to entertain troops. On December 15, 1944, his plane disappeared in France. The number one hit that day was “I’m Making Believe” by the Ink Spots and Ella Fitzgerald. The Ink Spots played at the Domino Lounge downtown when I was a kid. The shows were advertised on the radio, and people said “the Ink Spots have been around for a while”.
In 1954, this reporter was born. The number one hit that day was “Wanted” by Perry Como. Two years later, my brother was born to the sounds of “Heartbreak Hotel” by Elvis Presley.
One way to track the hits through the years is to pick a date and follow it. It should be noted that Billboard is the essence of “commercial”. On my tenth birthday, the big sound was “Hello Dolly” by Louis Armstrong. On the verge of the summer of Love, the big hit was “Something Stupid” by Nancy Sinatra and Frank Sinatra. At no time in early May did the Beatles have a number one hit. This lack of hipness was compensated in 1969 with “Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In” by the Fifth Dimension.
The seventies continued the commercial tradition with “Joy to the World” by Three Dog Night. This was in 1971, the year they played a big show at Atlanta Stadium. The disco monster raised its glittering hand with “Night Fever”, by the Bee Gees in 1978.
As the eighties rolled in, I got a job and apartment, and music became less familiar. The first big May hit of the eighties was “Call Me” by Blondie. It was from a movie starring Richard Gere. The movie did not feature gerbils. The decayed decade was not a total loss, as 1983 had “Beat It” by Michael Jackson.
Moving into the nineties and oughts, my old fogey decrepitude is near total. Or is that the wasteland of pop music? By this time top 40 is all but extinct, am radio given over to all talk stations, and fm music so spread out that no one style of music is dominant. The number one hit on my birthday this year is “Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis.
Of course, the leaders of our country don’t always listen. On May 28, 1915, the biggest song was “I Didn’t Raise My Boy To Be A Soldier” by the Peerless Quartet. And, in 1964 on this day, the number one hit was “Love Me Do” by the Beatles.
Pictures today are from The Library of Congress.
PG recently read Star Island , by Carl Hiaasen. (The name is pronounced h AY ah s ih n ) As always, it is a wild ride, the story of a girl who likes to perform. She also has a taste for getting high. Hobby number two interferes with vocation number one, and the gravy train riders are concerned.
There is a stand in for the performer. She is a young lady who looks a lot like “Cherish”, and plays the part when “gastritis” attacks force the singer out of action. A photographer covets action shots, and kidnaps what he thinks is the wayward singer. It eventually gets untangled, but the de weaving of the plot makes for hilarious reading.
Sometimes life imitates art. Back when PG was working for Redo Blue, there was a driver named Cherish. The driver wound up posing for a porn magazine.
Getting back to the story, readers of Mr. Hiaasen are familiar with his formula. There is a male hero, who has been forced out of his career in disgrace. He defends and befriends a pretty young female, who is in a world of trouble. About two thirds of the way through the story, the male hero sleeps with the pretty young female.
This plot device gets a new twist. The male hero is a part of the “maggot mob”, the photographers who prey on inebriated celebrities. The behavior, in this book, gives paparazzi a bad name. There is a female in distress, but she is a look alike for another female, who is in more serious trouble. As for the fooling around, it is a one time thing early in the book. No one believes the photographer.
Mr. Hiaasen is known for his weirdos. The legend is that he doesn’t make anything up, but tones down the reality he observes. As for the freaks in this story, it is tough to imagine a more far out version. The new bodyguard for the singer is six foot nine, and has a weed wacker for a prosthetic hand. The only person he is afraid of is the former Governor of Florida. He wears a shower curtain, eats road kill, and lives in a swamp. PG thinks he will stay in Atlanta.
The evil overlords of information overload, Google, have a feature up today about city slogans. It is not always pretty, nor is the person who referred PG to this, Andrew Sullivan. Pictures for this feature are from The Library of Congress.
With further ado, here is the list: Lodi, CA “Liveable, lovable Lodi” /// Prairie du Chien, WI “Where the bald eagle soars and the carp drops!” /// Saratoga, WY “Where the trout leap in main street”/// Arlington, TX “And the crowd goes wild” // Rockville, MD “Get into it”/// Erie, PA “Feel the lake effect”/// Gas, KS “Don’t pass gas, stop and enjoy It.”/// Hooker, OK “It’s a location, not a vocation.”/// Bushnell, SD “It’s not the end of the earth, but you can see it from here”/// Walla Walla, WA “The city so nice they named it twice.”/// Hyder, AK “Friendliest ghost town in Alaska”/// Linesville, PA “Where the ducks walk on fish”/// Weed, CA “Weed like to welcome you”/// Menomonie, WI “Traditional yet progressive”/// Timewell, IL “Time spent in Timewell is time well spent”/// Knik, AK “Dog-Mushing Center of the World”/// Atlantic City, NJ “Always Turned On”/// Chandler, AZ “High-Tech Oasis of the Silicon Desert”/// Dumas, AR “Home of the Ding Dong Daddy”/// Cheshire CT “Bedding Plant Capital of Connecticut” /// Savannah, GA “Turf Grass Capital of the World” /// La Crosse, KS “Barbed Wire Capital of the World” /// Strong, ME “Toothpick Capital of the World”/// Peculiar, MO “Where the Odds are With You”/// Algona, IA “Home of the World’s Largest Cheeto”
Atlanta is a city built on marketing and self promotion. For years, “The city too busy to hate” worked, but it is not tough enough for modern times. There have been attempts at creating a city slogan, none of which seemed to matter. In the nineties, an attempt was made to find a hi tech slogan for da ATL. One of the rejected suggestions was “Driving Miss Pentium”.
The comments below are borrowed from a facebook friend. (The original comment is somewhere in the ether.) It should be noted that PG does not agree with all of these observations. Pictures are from ” The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library” . This edition of Chamblee54 is a repost. These remarks are about aging, a subject that PG knows more about every day. By amazing coincidence, this is also the 70th birthday of the prototypical angry young man, Bob Dylan’s . Both of us disagree with whoever said “I hope I die before I get old”. //1.// I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.//2.// Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.//3.// I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.//4.// There is great need for a sarcasm font.//5.// How the h#ll are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?//6.// Was learning cursive really necessary?//7.// Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.//8.// Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the Person died.//9.// I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.//10.// Bad decisions make good stories.//11.// You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.// 12.// Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.again.//13.// I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.//14.// “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.//15.// I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?// Hello?// D@mn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer?Drop the phone and run away?//16.// I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.// 17.// I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.//18.// I think the freezer deserves a light as well.//19.// I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.//20.// I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.//21.// Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.//22.// I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.//23.// The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.// 24.// I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.//25.// How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?//26.// I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.// 27.// Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.//28.// Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?// 29.// There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.//30.// As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.//31.// Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.//32.// Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my @$$ everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
“I recommend carrying a broken clock with you at all times if you want to meet new friends.” /// Especially if you only tell the truth twice a day. /// “I picked a bouquet of kisses off her mouth and put them into a dawn-colored vase in my heart.” /// There is a dishwashing liquid called Dawn. It is very effective for getting grease and oil off your hands. It is a pleasant shade of dark blue, that few use to reference that shade. /// “Someday Time will die, and Love will bury it.”/// Time magazine has showed great resistance to termination. This might be due to the republican politics of the forties and fifties, before the myth of liberal media became accepted as fact. /// “What would you do if the rain fell up? Get used to living on a cloud, I guess.” /// If rain fell up, then everything else would fall up. The gravity paradigm would be rotting, along with the apple that hit Mr. Newton on the head. /// “There’s an old San Francisco saying that goes: ‘It’s better to rest in Washington Square than in the California Adult Authority.’” /// The Atlanta version would involve i 285 and a waffle house. /// “The sound of the machine-gun fire startled the pigeons” /// There is a bit of speculation regarding the intelligence of Newt Gingrich. This should not be confused with the ability to do a job without screwing up. /// “Baudelaire laughed when the insane asylum rubbed itself up against his leg like a strange cat.” /// Felines are supposed to be good for keeping varmints away from tomato plants. Once the critters smell the cat smell, they stay away from the maters. /// “The thought of her hands touching his hair makes me want to vomit.” /// If you find this profile offensive, please report it to us and we will take appropriate action /// “He’d sell a rat’s asshole to a blindman for a wedding ring.” /// Dude, Calm Down, Its Gonna Be Fine, Go Drink Some Tasty Soup /// “I do not care to be esthetically tickled in a fancy theater surrounded by an audience drenched in the perfume of culture. I can’t afford it /// Winos used to get high by drinking after shave lotion. A popular brand was Lilac. /// “You have never met me because I have dreamt you. Soon it will be morning, the dream over.” /// When PG quit smoking pot, he noticed the technicolor dreams every night. The only problem is that he remembers almost none of them. If he wants to write a short story, he must depend on his experiences while awake. /// “Loading mercury with a pitchfork your truck is almost full. The neighbors take a certain pride in you. They stand around watching.” /// Whoever pays for this is not getting his money’s worth. /// “Little children yell, ‘Hey, hippie!’ at me in the San Francisco mornings” /// When PG was 17 and had long hair, he would take shortcuts home by the grammar school. The kids one day shouted hippie crit. Their teacher beamed with pride, at the lesson she had taught. /// “For all its frustration, I believe it was an interesting experiment in total loss” /// I WANT TO SMASH SOMETHING NICE!! Guitar? Too pretty… Computer? Too expensive.. Goddammit, where is a vase when I need it?! /// “I’m in a constant process of thinking about things.” /// PG only recently became aware of the connection between process and procedure. You can’t have one without the other. /// “With the stars like fire engines hanging in the air and streams of light coming from their hoses.” /// Firetruck has a similar spelling to the f word. They also cost more, and are more expensive to maintain. Dalmatians are another extra charge. /// “Sandbox minus John Dillinger equals what?” /// PG heard a legend about John Dillinger once. Supposedly, the man had a thirty two inch penis, which is on display at the Smithsonian Institute. Eight graders repeat stories like this, and believe them. /// “He had that same Spirit of St. Louis nobility and purpose of expression, except that his North Atlantic was the forests of Idaho.” /// And then his baby was kidnapped and murdered. Sixty years later, a terrorist confessed to the crime. /// “What you’re doing to me, I want done forever.” /// Dude, Calm Down, Its Gonna Be Fine, Go Drink Some Tasty Soup /// “I find intelligence in women to be an aphrodisiac. Everybody else would be looking at her breasts and I would be looking at her mind” /// When he orders a lobotomy for his wayward bride, he will ask for a d cup./// “Anybody can get VD, including those you love. Please see a doctor if you think you’ve got it. You’ll feel better afterwards” /// Vince Dooley was the coach for a few years. He had nothing to do with breeding the next UGA. /// “We should all make our clothes out of a special seaweed that grows along the California coast.” /// PG shared an apartment with three people, seven snakes, a ferret, and a cat. He called it the weasel palace. His human roommates did not appreciate this name. /// “The tedium approached a kind of blank religious experience” /// PG is not ashamed to admit that he is sometimes bored. /// “Sometimes all I want to do is have a little mindless fun with the years that are left in my life.” /// dougman91:Any real dads wit son wanna chat im me Nastydude_MI:hey all Fratboy0211:Nasty /// “There are so many better things for you than to see your feelings sold as magic lanterns to somebody whose body casts no light.” /// One of them is to package your feelings as a sixty watt light bulb. When they burn out, you just screw another bulb into the socket. This is a one person job, no matter what jokes you have heard. /// “Where I come from it’s just another carrot in the patch. Where do you come from, stranger?” /// Whats black and white, and goes up and down. A nun in a cucumber patch. Oh, this was about carrots, not cucumbers. My bad. /// “There are days when our cat becomes the doors and windows of the house. To go into the bedroom I must open a wooden cat” /// I’m a closet case satyriasis-just kidding! Well a little bit. Don’t know what it is? Ask me./// “Birds happen music / like clocks ticking heavens in a land where children love spiders, and let them sleep in their hair.” /// Spiders are resourceful, often beautiful, productive, and have a p.r. problem. /// “Someplace in the world a woman is sitting under a beautiful tree, and she is shelling peas, and she is thinking only of beautiful things” /// eating goober peas, eating goober peas, goodness how delicious, eating goober peas /// “He went UMMM-good, smacked his lips and rolled his eyes like the octopus ride in a cheap carnival.” /// oh those french fries soaked in grease, I asked her for pie and she gave me a piece /// “I love that dark bird you hold in your arms.” /// She was an adorable mother of two, living in a somewhat ramshackle house in Oakhurst. She had pygmy goats in her yard./// “These are just fragments. Parts of lines and single words that remain from the original poems written 1,000s of years ago.” /// PG bought a poster of Janis Joplin, with a nipple showing. His mother was upset, said I trusted you. In his shame, PG covered the cartoon nipple with a magic marker /// “Too many perhapses in the world and not enough people.” /// The special ed teacher was a lady named Dobbins. Her students were called Dobs. She was a big woman, whose arms were the size of many people’s legs. /// “Every horror in the world was at my back, at my sides and directly in front of me and they were all without names” /// Only confirmed followers have access to @daddy’s Tweets and complete profile. You need to send a request before you can start following this account. /// “Dreams are like the wind. They blow by. The small ones are breezes, but they go by, too.” /// Cause I’m troubled by dreams I’ never seen, down at the whipping post. /// ‘The Eskimos live among ice all their lives but have no single word for ice.’ /// I’ve been called an operator, I could sell an eskimo snow./// “She could invent whole lifetimes for herself and it was as if she had lived them in a kind of dreamy telescope way.” /// Galileo looked at the skies, and realized that what he had been told was lies. Sarah Palin looked at, and shot, a moose, and knew it was time to cut loose. /// “Two guys get out of a car. They stand beside it. They don’t know what else to do.” /// The policeman told them to get back in the car, and show me your driver’s license. /// “Trout Fishing in America Shorty stared after her as if the space between them were a river growing larger and larger.” /// Have you ever been afraid that insects would take over the world? Well, here come the stink bugs. /// “The sea is like an old nature poet who died of a heart attack in a public latrine. His ghost still haunts the urinals.”/// Peachtree Creek is the bass player who was shot to death by a jealous husband. His ghost still haunts the used cd store. /// “The silence of the snow in the mountains will be roaring in the creek by my house in a few days.” /// This has been a conversation with the ghost of Richard Brautigan. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. The video was borrowed from Live Apartment Fire.