Houseplants Complained About The Noise
This story was found in a box of papers. There is a reason people throw things away. It is about a “prospect party”, at a “social club for tall people”. Phlash wrote this “Tall Tale” at the office. One of his co-workers asked Phlash why she wasn’t in the story. “Because you are not tall enough.”This is a repost. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.
Phlash goes to the Prospect Party by Phlash Goober
Phlash was facing another evening reading about rich people, who have affairs and commit murder. Since the Prospect Party was nearby, Phlash decided to go.
When he found the place, the first thing he noticed was the food. There were lots of soft drinks, and hollowed out watermelons filled with chunks of fruit. The obligatory spinach dip was there, as were pigs in blankets, and chips and dip. Phlash had already eaten dinner, but that seldom stops him.
Phlash was getting a touch bored, until he started talking to a prospect . “H” and Phlash have a mutual friend, and this gave them an excuse to chatter. “H” had just gotten back from Clemson, South Carolina, where there are orange tiger paws painted in the roadway. Did her car got scratched?
Phlash went outside, and decided the music was too loud for conversation. He went back inside and saw his friend “Lawrence”. They discussed pictures of horses and non-synchronistic coincidence.
Phlash stepped outside again. The music made his glasses rattle in their frames. He went back inside and saw the former Miss Tall International®, “Queen of Siam”. She had sponsored a movie night the evening before and the movie had been a beautiful romance.
Phlash forgot the title of the movie (probably because he didn’t go), but saw his onetime camping friend “Pro-A”, who liked to talk. Phlash was getting reckless by this time, and a talking person, no matter how enthusiastic, is preferable to “Play that funky music white boy” at migraine level.
So Phlash took the plunge. “Have you read any good books lately, Pro-A?” As fate would have it, “Pro-A” had just finished a tome about Catherine the Great, a Russian Czarina, that Phlash was blissfully ignorant about. Still, he was a good sport, and listened for a few minutes, until someone interrupted this foodside chat with news about the new sneaker for Lesbians, the Dyke-EE.
At this point, Phlash went into the kitchen to refill his cup with Mountain Dew. He came upon a conversation about Indian Food, vegetarianism, flatulence, and Bean-o. Phlash agrees with the concept of Bean-o, but wonders what people will do for after dinner amusement. Meanwhile, the music outside was turned down a notch, after houseplants complained about the noise.
All this time, the hot tub had been bubbling away, inviting all the tallfolk into the waters. Finally,” Z Z” and” Australia” braved the comments of jealous dry people and got in the tub. Phlash followed, just in time for a stimulating conversation about ugly bridesmaid dresses. At this point, Phlash got dressed, grabbed one last handful of pretzels, and went home.
After publication, the party hostess was offended by this article.