Chamblee54

Super Glue End Game

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 21, 2009

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PG got an email this morning about super glue.

“Yesterday I was talking on the phone with Yanar Mohammed from Organization of Women’s Freedom in Iraq (one of my clients). She told me of a horrific event this week in Iraq in which a large number (over 20 as I recall) of gay men were rounded up, had Super Glue applied to their anuses and then forced to drink high powered laxatives. They have been hospitalized and at least some are near death. She sent a link for an Arabic paper with news of the horrific event, but, obviously, I could not read it. Although Yanar serves women’s issues, apparently a reporter from the paper interviewed her because there are so few people willing to take the risk of speaking out against attacks on gays”

PG learned early on that if somethings seems to horrible to be true, it often is not. This is especially true when the only original source material is in Arabic.

Another account of the “roundup” said that it was “Iraqi militias”. Is this Sunni, Shiite, Kurd, Al Queda, Sons of Iraq, or even the American Army (who would have access to the supplies)? Is this militia an ally or enemy of the Americans? Was it just a bunch of Islam fueled teenagers, or even very kinky gays? Since PG does not read Arabic, he will have to wonder.

There is a lot of chaos in Iraq now, even with the “success of the surge”. If this is some isolated militia gang, it will be all but impossible to confirm or deny. What is amazing to PG is how this story is believed so readily, by so many people. It is assumed to be the work of Muslims. Not a day goes by without anti islam hatred creeping out of Jesus Worship/Conservative orifices. Maybe, if this involved light skinned Christians, there would be some skepticism.

The “high powered laxatives” is a nice touch. If the perps wanted to make their victims suffer, just glue the hole shut and leave them alone. Soon enough, the body waste will accumulate. Not using a laxative will prolong the suffering.

PG did a bit of research on this, and non Arabic information is tough to come by. The organization with Yanar Mohammed does not mention super glue on their home page. JoemyG-d has a post about it, along with the observation that the United States has an occupying army in Iraq. We have turned our economy upside down to implement “Operation Iraqi Freedom”. Is this what the blood of our troops has purchased?

The search for “truth” in the super glue end game is not without irony. PG went to Snopes, the urban legend mythbusters.

He entered “super glue on anus” in a search engine. The entry did not yield any information. The screen, with the search result, had a header. The ad promoted a nursing home comparison service. If you close your anus with super glue, you will probably need a nursing home.

Spell check suggestions for this feature:
Yanar- canary, canard.
snopes- snipes, slopes, snores

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Susan Boyle Lipstick

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 20, 2009

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The wordpress home page directs the surfer to a festive post today, “10 smart people who died in really dumb ways”. The appearance of this notice on Four Twenty is probably a coincidence. Also noted  is the latest on Susan Boyle. Miss Boyle is reportedly planning to market a brand of lipstick.
One problem with this post (about post postmortem smarties) is the fog of history. Only three of the smarties are contemporary. The rest are legends. Take Aeschylus for instance. Around 500BC, an eagle mistook his head for a rock, and dropped a tortoise on it. Even if wikipedia were more reliable, that would be tough to prove.
The three contemporaries can be proven. Jim Fixx wrote a book about jogging, and had a heart attack while running. Jerome Irving Rodale was promoting the health benefits of organic food on the Dick Cavett show. He dropped dead during a commercial break. And Tennessee Williams choked to death on an aspirin cap while intoxicated. It could have happened in one of his plays.

The list is not complete. Many famous people have made bizarre exits off the stage of life. Isadora Duncan was well known as a dancer. One night in Nice, France, she was riding in a convertible sportscar, wearing a long hand painted scarf. The scarf became entangled in the open spokes of a wheel, and Miss Duncan was thrown out of the car, and slammed to the pavement.

Even in more recent times, legend sometimes exaggerates the facts. Actress Lupe Velez was troubled about an unplanned pregnancy, and decided to end her life. According to Hollywood Babylon, Miss Velez took an overdose of pills, and felt ill. She went to the bathroom to get sick, passed out, fell face forward, and drowned in the commode. This version is disputed by her secretary Beulah Kinder, who claimed to find her asleep in bed.

The eddywu blog has another recent story, “Disappearances that made History”. This is similar to the other post, except that the body was not found. Included in this collection are D.B. Cooper, Judge Crater, Amelia Earhart, and Jimmy Hoffa. With the construction of a new football stadium in New Jersey, Mr. Hoffa will no longer have season tickets.

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420 Festival

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 19, 2009

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PG and Uzi wanted to go to one of the festivals, but obstacles were in the way. PG needed to take his brother, GP, to the train station at 330. Uzi was afraid the rain would arrive by then, but PG pointed out that plenty of festivaling was still on tap at 4pm. Finally, a decision was made to go to the 420 festival in Candler Park.

At the end of Euclid Avenue an empty parking space appeared, as if by magic. The walk to the park had a few raindrops, but not enough to scare off determined festivalers. Once in the park, the band was rocking, the beer was flowing, and the bodies were moving. The bodies, that is, that weren’t sprawled on the lawn .

After a few minutes…during which the band played all original material…a few more raindrops made an appearance. PG was enjoying the band and the photo opportunities, but Uzi was not in the mood to get rained out. They found the car with all the windows unbroken.

It was now supper time. A mutual decision was reached to leave Piccadilly and S&S alone this week. PG turned on Ponce de Leon in the direction of Eats. He turned on another street in the direction of the parking lot, and did not see the do not enter sign.

While turning around, PG commented on the “degenerate” smoking a cigarette behind the building. Uzi pointed out that this man worked at Eats. PG hoped he was not the cook…he would not want to eat a meal cooked by a degenerate who knew that PG knew that the cook was a degenerate. Note this is Degenerate as in Ponce personnel, not unfunny Lesbian comedians.

So PG and Uzi went into Eats, and got fed. The parking lot  smoker came inside and started to bus tables. As PG was leaving, he saw the free publications behind the double doors. PG is between jobs, and has a profound appreciation of free publications.

PG managed to work the double doors open from the sidewalk side, and went inside to claim his publications. The  busman came by, and told PG to grab the double doors at the top, they open much easier this way. He was very insistent about teaching this lesson. PG did learn to grip the door on top, to open it from the wrong side.

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Religious Arguments

Posted in Religion by chamblee54 on April 18, 2009

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The other day Father Tony posted a video at Bilerico (ba LAIR i co) about how to argue. He acknowledged that he is a venomous person.

FT used to be employed by the Catholic church. That is how he got his handle. PG thought on this for a while, and saw a connection. A little more thinking, and PG pondered that crowd pleaser, the religious argument.

Jesus Worship is a religion of beliefs, rather than practices. One of their key beliefs is the notion that you should convert those who disagree with you. If these people don’t agree with you about certain things, they go to hell. This lust to “evangelize” leads to a lot of arguments.

One of the rules for living/arguing that Father Tony expresses is that, yes, you are going to argue. This is especially true for romantic partnerships, but includes all sorts of human relating. How does this relate to religion? If you believe in a religion, does this mean you are compelled to argue with those who you disagree with?

Religious belief can be a source of strength and comfort to those lucky enough to be in the loop. For many of the rest of us, Religion (especially the Jesus Worship variety) is a source of venom. The endless arguments that believers loudly put forth spoil whatever benefits these beliefs can have. It is enough to make you wish you would never hear the word Jesus again.

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Listen

Posted in Religion by chamblee54 on April 16, 2009

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Father Tony put up a video today about “How to argue”. The concept is that conflict is inevitable in human relationships. The secret is how to deal with it. He makes a few suggestions about “How to argue”. It is not a complete list. There is one very important word that he does not use.

Listen.

When someone is saying something to you, it is very helpful to listen to them. Do not think about the clever thing you are going to say in reply. Do not think about how this person is a hypocrite for saying something (Even if…or maybe especially if…they are a hypocrite for saying something).

Don’t think about problems that you have with this person. Shut up and listen. Do not interrupt. It is helpful to turn your eyes from the tv or computer, and look at the person who is talking to you.

The person who “starts” the argument should return the favor by keeping his remarks as brief and to the point as possible. Many people think they should talk until they are interrupted. You should be as concise as possible, speaking only about the issue at hand.

The louder you say something does not mean that it has more truth. The more respect you show a person you are talking to, the more respect you can expect them to show you. This is another thing that you can offer a person who shows you the courtesy of listening.

Listening is not valued in our culture. It is passive, and talking is active. Many seem to feel that they are losing power to a person if they shut up and listen.

Have you ever heard a person boast about the clever things they say? Have you ever heard a person boast about how good a listener they are? Maybe the priorities of our culture are out of whack.

Father Tony also mentioned the concept of venom in an argument. He maintains that some people are naturally venomous, and that it is a trait that you need to learn to control.
PG would like to observe that people should not use Jesus as a form of venom. This should be obvious, but so many super Christians use Jesus (and the Bible) as a tool of their anger. The third commandment is a very underrated piece of work, and Jesus Worshipers would be wise to obey it.


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Tea Party Day

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 15, 2009

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PG saw a feature the other day about a new “conservative” group forming. In the comment thread, he found this:
” And yes, I’d like to keep the money i make, I’d like to live my life without government hands in my wallet and trying to ru nmy business, and I believe in freedom of speech. I believe that if you assault someone, the penalty shouldnt be based on whether you hated their orientation, race, or hat.”
PG had too much free time, so he replied:
” The “conservatives” claim they want a smaller government, then send 150,000 troops to a war eight time zones away. The “conservatives” claim they want the government out of our lives, and then pass draconian laws against marijuana.
“Conservatives” LOVE big government, the national debt, and interfering in the lives of citizens. And they apparently have you fooled.”

Do we know what is coming next?

“obama sent 17000 troops into Afghanistan, and raised military spending roughly 4% over what the bush white house had projected for FY09 and FY10. is pushing the war into Pakistan with drone bombers and leaving an est 50,000 troops in iraq after the proposed pull out in fall ’10. hasnt done anything to repeal the Patriot Act, and has increased nation debt to 1trill for his FY09 budget. hows that for big gov and national debt. oh and he also mocked the online group who sent the question about legalizing marijuana for taxation purposes in his town hall speech a few weeks ago.
but yep, those dem’s are much better. lol”

When it comes to political discussions, two wrongs make a right. It is not a matter of refuting what someone says, just find something rude to say about someone else. That makes it all ok.

Have fun at the tea party tonight. And don’t forget the whine.

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Some Words Sound Funny

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 14, 2009

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It is the day before the whine party. PG had a nifty exchange in a comment thread, which shows for the thousandth time the silliness of conservatism. It will make a splendid post some day.

Alas, before that haggle of hypocrisy haha hit the whoha, PG checked in on TwentyTwoWords. The subject today is “10 normal words that sound funny when you think about them too long.” This is much more fun.

The original ten words are
buffalo, clump, dribble, morsel, people, rattle, shampoo, smock, wasps, wool.
The comments add
blog, canker, Cool Whip, duty, gesundheit, forehead, goiter, machete, problem, scissors, soap, trouser and umbrella. In the case of wasps and goiter, the word may be funny, but the reality is not. Got a problem?
One commenter who pays attention added :
“Last week for this very reason I had to run spell check on the word “been” because it appeared too absurd to be possible.
FWIW, Ed Clowney, former president of Westminster Seminary, maintained that this effect was at the root of much Eastern mysticism. Persevere Perserverate on any word and the discursive part of our brain would be thrown into neutral and what he called the intuitive would take over, leading some to believe they had become one with the universe.”
Uh Hummmmmmmmmmmmm.
And, as obituary readers know, many people have funny sounding names. It is considered rude to laugh.

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Blogswarm Against Theocracy 2009

Posted in Religion by chamblee54 on April 13, 2009

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It is Monday the thirteenth. In a logical world, this is the day people would fear. It is a day too late to participate in the Blogswarm against Theocracy. However, when dealing with government and religion, one should never let a technicality get in the way.

Perhaps the problem is not religion in general, but the types of religion that flourish in these United States. Perhaps a more benign form of spiritual discipline could make paying taxes and filling out forms more enjoyable.

Doorknob worship has never caught on here. Without a hard sell scheme for life after death, it is left sticking out in the hallway. The government is even legislating against doorknobs, in favor of those banana shaped things.

Pastafarianism would probably not make a good governing religion. Many of our leaders are on the sauce already. And the tea party is two days from now. They have the wrong beverage in the name. They will be serving whine.

Then there is the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Founded thirty years ago, with old nun habits from Iowa, the SPI has stood for debauchery and whiteface makeup ever since. The SPI shows the value of recycling, to be founded on the festering corpse of the Roman Pedophile Church.
 
My bad, the RPC is still alive. Considering some of the other alternatives available, maybe separation of church and state is a good idea.

Spell check suggestions for this feature:
blogroll- logrolling, bankroll, bedroll, hologram, holograph
pastafarianism- rastafarian, egalitarianism, humanitarianism, totalitarianism, antiquarianism
HT to JoemyG-d for the video.

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Lost Missing #28

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 12, 2009

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LostMissing is a public art project. The actor is Mattilda. This is episode 28.

When I see you in a dream again it’s more stressful. I’m doing this dance move in a huge white room, white so high up it’s like the sky and I start on the floor jump to the ceiling
the hard part is staying up there without hurting my shoulders against not-quite-sky and then back down to the floor and up, people are impressed most by the jump but remember the hardest part is the smooth roll of the shoulders up top. When I’m done I head upstairs to wash up and there you are at the gym in your workout clothes, back to me, I turn around. I’m at the checkout counter but there’s no one around, I pile groceries and cosmetics and everything I can into bags I don’t even know what all of this is but I walk outside it’s New York I figure I can jump into a cab and if someone says did you pay for that I can just hand them a credit card. The street is further from the door than I thought and businessmen are running out ahead of me, when I get to the corner I realize it’s the highway. I’m trying to get out of the elevator, but the bags are stuck in the door, the door
opens inward not out and then finally I’m out into the abandoned gym of security checkpoints, emptiness without space and finally the locker room, some friendly guys are taking the goods through the backside of the locker but how will I get out?

twodogs42z

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Product Number Three

Posted in Religion by chamblee54 on April 11, 2009

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Chamblee54 has done free publicity for two pallets of product, Sarah Palin and Kayne West. In order to complete the trilogy, it is time to move to the ultimate media product: Jesus.

PG has come to know Jesus through the words and deeds of his believers. It is not pretty, unlike Mrs. Palin or Mr. West. PG feels that there is a distinct difference between the spirit named Jesus, which is so loudly touted, and the man who probably lived in Palestine two thousand years ago. The two critters…the contemporary spirit Jesus, and the Historic Jesus…have little in common beyond the name. This post will focus on the Spirit Jesus, which is shoved in PG’s face on a daily basis.

Not that the historic Jesus…as he is described by the Bible…is without blame. Someone disliked him enough to have him killed. Maybe if he had been better at PR, he could have lived longer and taught more. Anyone who would say “I am the way the truth and the light. No one can come to the father but through me ” is an egomaniac.

The spirit Jesus is a relentless seeker of attention. The cult of Jesus Worship is based on getting non believers to agree to certain ideas. These ideas involve life after death, and the execution of Jesus. These ideas are expressed constantly, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t agree with them, you are going to hear them again and again. Jesus Worshipers seem to think that the louder they repeat these ideas, the more true they become. It is like a dog who will not quit barking.

Anyone can talk about Jesus. Not everyone that does so has good motives. It is necessary for the listener to trust the speaker. When a man speaks about Jesus without trust, he is speaking in vain. When a man talks about Jesus out of anger, he is speaking in vain. This is what the Third Commandment is referring to.

PG would like to never hear the word Jesus again. He would settle for one day, but even that is too much to ask of the Jesus Worshipers.

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Enya Kayne

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 11, 2009

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This is unpaid publicity weekend here at Chamblee54. Our media product of the moment is Kayne West. The following “rap” is courtesy of Andrew Sullivan

“SOUTH PARK MURDERED ME LAST NIGHT AND IT’S PRETTY FUNNY. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BUT WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY EGO THOUGH. HAVING THE CRAZY
EGO IS PLAYED OUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND CAREER. I USE TO USE IT TO BUILD UP MY ESTEEM WHEN NOBODY BELIEVED IN ME. NOW THAT PEOPLE DO BELIEVE AND SUPPORT MY MUSIC AND PRODUCTS THE BEST RESPONSE IS THANK YOU INSTEAD OF “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” IT’S COOL TO TALK S*** WHEN YOU’RE RAPPING BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE. WHEN YOU MEET LITTLE WAYNE IN PERSON HE’S THE NICEST GUY FOR EXAMPLE. I JUST WANNA BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM. I NEED TO JUST GET PAST MYSELF. DROP THE BRAVADO AND JUST MAKE DOPE PRODUCT. EVERYTHING IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. AS LONG AS PEOPLE THINK I ACT LIKE A BITCH THIS TYPE OF S*** WILL HAPPEN TO ME. I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I’M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I’M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I’M SURE THE WRITERS AT SOUTH PARK ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DRAW MY CREW. THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY ALSO!! I’M SURE THERE’S GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS… THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW IT’S ME!”

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Palin is not Plain

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 11, 2009

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In February 1999, PG was eating lunch at the Piccadilly cafeteria and reading the Wall Street Journal. (Party like its 1999). There was a story about George W. Bush, who was touted as a Presidential Candidate in the next election. The story was about his alleged fondness for cocaine. As the WSJ told it, he was high on coke at his daddy’s inauguration in 1989.

The Wall Street Journal is as Phylis Schafly’s stockbroker. Why would they publish a story like this, about the apparent darling of the GOP inner circle? Maybe, they wanted to get those nasty rumors out there, where they would be forgotten old news by election time. The strategy seemed to work…W’s one time fondness for white lines was a non issue throughout his administration.

Now, the story is the white trash antics of Sarah Palin and her extended family. Big Hair Alert!

While moralists and hypocrisy scorekeepers may tut tut about this TMI parade, most of America is not troubled. No publicity is bad publicity, and Palin is an easy name to spell. Caribou Barbie has the highest profile of any candidate going into the next election, and would be the nominee if the convention were tomorrow.

You can wallow in this family values quagmire for days. There is a campaign ad, when Mrs. Palin was running for Governor. She promises to “Deliver the best to Alaskans NOW not later”. Within two years, she did.

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