Chamblee54

Pat Boone And Fairness

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 17, 2009

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Pat Boone has had a long, profitable career. He is 75 years old. It might be time for him to retire. Or maybe he can do “cover” versions of gangsta rap.

There is an article on WorldNetDaily, signed by Mr. Boone. He makes three suggestions to President BHO. Mr. Boone observes that BHO did not serve in the military. According to wikipedia, neither did Pat Boone. There was a draft when Mr. Boone was 19, and the Korean War had just ended. If he had volunteered at 18, he might have seen some action.

The first suggestions regards the pictures of torture. Mr. Boone uses a lot of buzz words, like “liberal media” and “Dan Rather and CBS”. Mr. Boone claims that the torture ended at Abu Ghraib. Documents recently released indicate otherwise.

Mr. Boone claims that the corporal punishment his mother gave him was worse than what was done to prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. He also raises the red herring of 911, and the tactics used against Americans in Iraq. He calls release of the torture pictures “papering your house”.

Suggestion 2 is to “Send the terrorists to the Antarctic”. If you want to know more, follow this link.

Suggestion 3 is where Mr. Boone shows signs of dementia. He discusses the reluctance of BHO to publicly participate in the National Day of Prayer. This is compared with a proclamation issued by Abraham Lincoln in 1863. Before he gets to that, he drops this in:
“But, scarcely into your presidency, you seem hell-bent to marginalize Christianity and this country’s Judeo-Christian foundation, allowing military chaplains to be harshly disciplined for praying in Jesus’ name and promoting a so-called “fairness doctrine” that is designed to squelch conservative and Christian radio hosts and to equate Holy Scripture with “hate speech.”
The “Fairness Doctrine” has been a bogeyman to Talk Radio. An old policy that requires radio and TV to present “balanced” views on current issues, the FD was discontinued under President Reagan. The radio whiners have been screaming that BHO, and the Democrats in congress, will bring back the FD.

The only problem is that BHO has expressed his desire to leave the Fairness Doctrine on the shelf. His press secretary issued a statement to this effect during the campaign, and another statement was issued after the inauguration. The US Senate voted 87-11 to oppose the return of the Fairness Doctrine. One wonders where Mr. Boone got the idea that BHO supports the return of the FD, and how this relates to a call for fasting by Abraham Lincoln.

HT to Andrew Sullivan.

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Eurovision Rodents

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 17, 2009

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One rainy sunday, PG was pondering the difference between squirrels and chipmunks. The two words seem to be interchangeable. Finally, a trip to google turned up a site, with the verbatim question.

“Chipmunks and ground squirrels are very closely related. Both chipmunks and ground squirrels differ from and are smaller than tree squirrels. The major external feature that distinguishes a chipmunk from a squirrel are the stripes on the face across the eyes. Squirrels may have stripes on their back but lack stripes on the face. The bone structure (bacula) of squirrels are different from chipmunks.”

The ads  underneath this answer were from animal removal services. This is not surprising. Squirrels are rats with pretty tails. They are EVERYWHERE. They get between the roof and ceiling and make noise. Sometimes, they die in there, and the stench of decomposing rodent lingers.

Chipmunks, on the other hand, sing a highly annoying Christmas song.

Which brings us to the second part of this sunday afternoon. Last night was the finals of the 2009 Eurovision. The winner was from Norway, although he was born in Belarus. He played fiddle (what do you call lip sync for a fiddle?) and has prominent eyebrows.

Eurovision is apparently a big deal east of the Atlantic. It never has caught on in America.

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Blonde Friday Part Two

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 15, 2009

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The second part of blonde friday at chamblee54 is a book report. The volume is “Life with my sister Madonna” by Christopher Ciccione. For unaware in the audience, Christopher is the younger brother of the superstarress. He has worked for Madonna in various capacities, and is currently (that we know) estranged from her.

The book really doesn’t make Madonna look any worse. She is seen as rude, ambitious, selfish, and egotistical. None of which is any surprise, to any but her most adoring fans, and possibly Ingrid Casares. It is not terribly flattering to Christopher, either. The last half of the book alternates between denying a drug problem, and stories of partying with famous people.

The co author is a lady named Wendy Leigh, and the book is fun to read. The copyright is issued to “Christopher Ciccione and Cabochon Diamond Productions, LLC”. One wonders how much Mr. Ciccione actually produced, other than the platinum name.

Some of the celebrity stories are amazing. There is the scene after the funeral of Gianni Versace. Courtney Love is there, and Madonna won’t talk to her, because Madonna thinks Courtney is crazy. Later, Miss Love is talking to Mr. Ciccione, and produces a bag with half an ounce of cocaine. Miss Love says she has never done coke before, could someone please show her how?

There is an episode where Christopher is dancing with Demi Moore, and scandalous pictures are printed. There is something that is not in the book.
“We went out and Demi was dancing up on me and humping me from behind. The one part that’s not in the book is that she was lactating at the time and she was squirting breast milk at my lesbian friends… the lawyers didn’t think it was wise for me to print that.”
Mr. Ciccione was a key helper for Madonna in her rise to fame. Later, bit by bit, they became less close. Christopher did not see eye to eye with Guy Ritchie. Madonna became convinced that Christopher had a drug problem, and paid for him to go to rehab. About this time, she got him to a Kabbalah meeting, by less than ethical means. Kabbalah and the therapy were presented in a positive light, and may have been instrumental in getting this book written. That, and the fact that Christopher was broke.

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Seven Shades Of Blonde

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 15, 2009

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The world is in turmoil. People are killing people for no good reason. The government is run by liars and scoundrels. Religion is a dirty word. It is time for blonde jokes. Thank you FunnyJokes.

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment, and said ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up. The husband said, ‘Who was that?’ The wife answered, ‘I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.’

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, ‘Hmm, this person looks familiar.’ The second blonde says, ‘Here, let me see!’ So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, ‘You dummy, it’s me!’

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, ‘No, honey, don’t do it!’ The blonde replies, ‘Shut up, you’re next!’

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, ‘Go ahead, ask me … I know ‘em all.’ A friend says, ‘OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin ?’ The blonde replies, ‘Oh, that’s easy. Its W.’

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? A: ‘Is it mine?’

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, ‘That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.’

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, ‘I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND COP!’

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I Stole For You

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 13, 2009

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There is a quote making the rounds from Jack Murtha. It seems like some of his nephews have been profiting from the family ties. The verbatim is
“If I’m corrupt, it’s because I take care of my district,” This appearance of impropriety is a gift to supporters of military adventure in Babylon. Mr. Murtha…a decorated Vietnam Vet…has been a vocal critic of the wars. His apparent ethical issues give war fans a convenient diversion.
This comment brings to mind a former Governor of Georgia, Eugene Talmadge. He was famous for saying, to cheering crowds,
“Sure I stole, but I stole for you”. PG suspected an urban legend, and decided to see what Mr. Google had to say.
Eugene Talmadge was Agriculture Commissioner before he was Governor. He had some relatives on the state payroll. There was something funky going on with fertilizer. He bought a bunch of hogs, and sent them to Chicago, where he thought he could make more money. After a while, some people started to ask questions. His answer was
“If I stole, it was for farmers like yourselves”. ( This is on page 59 of “The Wild Man from Sugar Creek”.
This was in 1931. The depression hit Georgia hard. The wool hat boys were in a world of fertilizer. Mr. Talmadge set himself up as the champion of the dirt farmers, and the enemy of the lyin’ Atlanta newspapers. In 1932 he was elected Governor. He was re elected three times, but died in 1946, before he could serve again. He was replaced by two Governors.

Mr. Talmadge was elected because of the county unit system. Each of Georgia’s 159 counties got a certain number of votes. Three rural counties were the equivalent of winning Fulton County. Mr. Talmadge boasted that he never won a county with street cars.

Mr. Talmadge’s campaigns were legendary. He would speak at the county courthouse, and plants in the crowd would scream questions, like “what about those lyin Atlanta newspapers?”. One of his favorite lines was
“Yeah, it’s true. I stole, but I stole for you, the dirt farmer”.
PG’s aunt went to work at the Trust Company of Georgia in the early fifties. There was a story that the new employees were told. It seems as though Governor Talmadge was in the lobby of the Trust Company, after having a happy lunch. He had to use the restroom, and went to the corner of the lobby to relieve himself.

There is a statue of Gene Talmadge in front of the State Capitol. The plate at the base reads ” I may surprise you, but I shall not deceive you”. It remains to be seen what will be carved underneath a statue of Jack Murtha.

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Patriots Burn The American Flag

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 12, 2009

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A few years ago, some lawyers with too much time took a case to the Supreme Court about Flag Burning. The Justices decided that Flag Burning was not against the Constitution. This caused a lot of people to get upset. The case was Texas v. Johnson, the decision was issued June 21, 1989.

Many of these same people like to display the flag. They leave it out in all kinds of weather, in direct sunlight, until the once proud flag is worn and tattered. At least when the flag is burned the damage is done quickly. As it is, the Red White and Blue becomes the Pink Gray and Lavender.

PG was walking to WalMart today, and decided to record some examples of this slow moving desecration. It did not take long to find enough examples to illustrate this post. One site was the grave of a revolutionary war veteran.

The United States code has a comments about respect for the flag. Many of these are routinely ignored, often by people who consider themselves patriots.

174 (c) Inclement weather-The flag should not be displayed on days when the weather is inclement, except when an all weather flag is displayed.

176 (i) The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever.

176 (k) The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning.

PG recalls a bumper sticker from the early nineties. It had the stars and stripes, and the words “Try Burning This One”. The vehicle was left in direct sun during the day. The sunlight burned those colors, reducing them to a mass of gray.

There is a pledge of allegiance for the flag. PG is certain that anyone reading this is familiar with it. The phrase “under G-d” is famously included. Is this a violation of the third commandment, regarding the proper use of sacred names?

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Everybody Knows Your Name

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 12, 2009

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PG uses WordPress.com as his home page. They have a variety of blogs that they promote. Today they have a very good quote about self respect, but first a bit of internet business. The original blogger to make the comment was on blogspot. The comment was quoted at another blog, where it was picked up by WordPress. PG can appreciate that Blogspot/Google is competition for WordPress, but it does make for some peculiar situations.

Now for the quote:
“Self-loathing is not a f###### character-builder. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t make you better. It’s just an ever-deepening, creepy-ass trap; a trap that is a huge moneymaker for corporations that do not have and never will have good intentions. You’re not disgusting. You’re not freakish. You’re not ugly. And you’re never going to be perfect. And holy s###, that is so okay.”
The quote was inspired by a lady named Kirstie Alley. It seems like she has fought “the battle of the bulge” and is currently losing. People magazine put her on the cover to talk about it. This is a corporate tool that does not have good intentions.

PG does not watch TV, and has  little idea who Miss Alley is. It seems as though she was in a TV comedy about  patrons at a Boston Alcohol Use Facility. While America is locking up people for smoking pot, TV has profitable comedies about Boston Drunks. Miss Alley is also a contributing associate of the Church of Scientology.

Self Loathing is a problem for millions, and yes, it is a profit center for unscrupulous businesses. It is much, much more than weight loss programs. The Jesus Worship Church uses self loathing as a recruiting tool. If people would learn to love themselves because they are G-d’s children, and are worthy of this love for that reason alone, the American consumer economy just might fall apart.

PG has had self esteem issues, and, rather than drag this post into eternity, will mention one. After de toxing himself from alcohol and other substances, PG is just as slack as ever.

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313 Triangular Fascism

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 11, 2009

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PG recently finished a sticker picture. The name of the image is 313 T Fascism. The T is for triangle. They have triangles in Texas and Tennessee.

Originally, the design was a graffiti inspired group of geometric shapes. There are no curved lines in this image…all the lines are straight. This made the final assembly much easier than usual, and created far less scrap. To make up the difference, image 314 will be all curving lines.

At some point in the design process, all the shapes were rendered into triangles. This gave the picture some unity that was lacking when four and five sided polygons were in the house. This conversion of the picture to an all triangle affair suggested the concept of triangle fascism.

There are 52 triangles in 313 T Fascism. Some of them have 90 degree angles, and all the trigonometric qualities therein. Due to the asymmetric nature of the image, it is assumed that all 52 triangles are scalene, or having three different side dimensions and angles. PG is not about to measure the triangles to find out for sure, and is comfortable with the possibility of an isosceles, or even an equilateral, triangle in the midst .

PG had a Geometry teacher in tenth grade named Cofield. She said, without elaboration, that the Pythagorean theorem…the triangle happy cornerstone of mathematics…can be disproven. She was a volunteer in LSD experiments, and said a good glass of whiskey would do more for you.

You could not have triangles without 3. This is a remarkable number. If you divide a number, that is not a multiple of 3, by 3, then you get an eternally repeating decimal of either .333 or .666. The cipher 3 is made of three lines, held together by two semi circles.

The number three is prominently used in religion, mythology, science, and dining. It is the first odd number after one, and is a prime number. When combined with 5 and 8, 3 is a side of a golden triangle. The world as we know it today would not exist if it were not for three.

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The World Tonight

Posted in The Internet by chamblee54 on May 9, 2009

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There is so much to talk about, but for some reason, none of it is interesting.
There is the story of Miss California, Carrie Prejean. It turns out her parents separated when she was very young, possibly before she was born. Does she have the same father as her sister? Mom and Dad spent the next few years in a nasty custody battle. Now Miss Prejean is fighting to defend marriage. PG wonders what Miss Prejean thinks she is defending?

There is the story of the swine flu sign cartoon A blogger named Jasmyne Cannick thought the cartoon was racist, and asked her readers to comment. PG took a look at the cartoon, and went to the site of the artist. PG wanted to print the cartoon, and is squeamish about copyrights. It turns out the artist is an African American. PG got his permission.

Tomorrow is mothers day. This is a very profitable day for certain industries. It also is difficult for people like PG. His mother left the planet ten years ago, and is seriously missed. PG has not reproduced on his own. To him, mothers day is a day to be ignored.

There is the fog of war. The mercenaries in Iraq are not working out. Nor is the revenge against Afghanistan. Those drone attacks are not going to bring back the people we lost on 911. Pakistan is on the verge of collapse, or maybe it isn’t. And our country talks about American Idol and the new Star Trek.

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Adjective Abuse

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 8, 2009

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There apparently is a commercial on TV now featuring “The world’s most interesting man”. An embedded video of this critter is a facebook mainstay. PG  seldom watches the tube, and had no clue who TWMIM was.

Fortunately for the unwired PG, YouTube/Google has a profligate search engine. All one has to do is type “the most in” and the rest pops up, as if by magic. As it happens, TWMIM is a spokesman for a brand of legal drug. PG chooses not to further publicize this product.

As is the custom at youtube/google, the rest of the search page yields similar entries. Some of these entries are more interesting than whatshisnamethatneedsashave. At the top of the list, under improtant videos, is “The most beautiful man in the world…simon lebon”. SLB had something to do with a band called Duran Duran. Their fifteen minutes of fame was 27 years ago. PG decides that he is not interested in pursuing this.

The next three entries are worlds most dangerous man, most t shirts worn at one time, and most beautiful man part two. PG bites on MBMITWP2. The resulting video is a b&w film of a body building contest, with commentary in a foreign language.

The fourth entry is where we strike pay dirt. It is a video…”It’s A Man’s World – James Brown & Pavarotti”. Mr. P must not have a first name. As the blurb notes say:
“James Brown & Pavarotti live!!! This incredible performance is one of the most electrifying collaborations ever assembled. Sheer perfection!!! Sp Thanks to, Enigma Solved “ 911 for the language police, an adjective crime has been committed.

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A Rainbow Colored Prayer

Posted in Religion by chamblee54 on May 7, 2009

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Today is the National Day for Prayer. PG has this to offer:

Good Morning G-d. Please give me the slack I need to make it through this busy life. I had a birthday yesterday, and am getting older. Please give me less pain, both above and below the neck. Thank you for letting me get this far. Thank you for the gift of sobriety, and the memory of inebrience. The gift of moderation would have been appreciated. Help me to overcome the body chemistry that tells me to be unhappy.
Please tell the Jesus Worshipers to shut up. They make too much noise. Help me to forgive them. Give Jesus Worshipers a bit more humility. Help Jesus Worshipers to get over their confusion, and quit hating gay people. Let people know that G-d does not write books. Let men know that A REAL MAN KEEPS CONTROL OF HIS TEMPER. Please tell the proud people praying today that it is better to listen than to talk.
Please find a happy medium for Atlanta water. Let us have neither drought nor flood. It would help if the developers would move to North Carolina, and the politicians would grow a conscience. This may be asking too much.

G-d, Please try to get along better with Allah. This is important. Maybe if you and her got along better, then all those religious crazies would hate each other less. Help white people and black people get along better. Please be good to the people who have already lived, and are now deceased. Please understand that I am not in a hurry to join them.

Help Mr. Obama with the mess this country is in. Help Israel get along with her neighbors, and live within her borders. Help the world solve the carbon dioxide problem.

Thank you for the birds that sing. I will listen to them, and not an electronic device. Thank you for dogs, and dog owners who clean up. Thank you for earth, air, fire, and water. Thank you for incomplete lists. Namaste, amen, all my relations, Good Bye.

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Test For Dementia

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 6, 2009

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PG has a friend named Uzi. They go for walks, eat at cafeterias, and exchange joke emails.
Today, PG received this. By amazing coincidence, today is his 55th birthday. It is a big deal whether he passes or fails this test.
This is going to be a three color affair. The test questions, and commentary, will be in green. The answers the PG gives will be in blue. The official answer will be in purple.
PG also feels that dementia is a sexist phrase. It affects women as well as men. It should be called depeopletia.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert.
The saying; “If you don’t use it, you will lose it” also applies to the brain. Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still “with it..” The spaces below are to give you time to decide before you see the answers.
OK, relax, clear your mind and … begin.
WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
1. What do you put in a toaster?

Electricity.

Answer: “bread.” If you said “toast,” then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, “bread,” go to Question 2.

2. Say “silk” five times. Now spell “silk.” What do cows drink?

Beer.

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk,” please do not
attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate
such as Children’s World. If you said “water” then proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

A Loan from the Bank.

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green
bricks,” what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said “glass,” then go on to Question 4.

4. It’s twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany) Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land”?

You wait until they die, and ask the family.

Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors”, then proceed to the next question.

PG’s feelings are hurt. But only a little bit. PG has lived near a small craft airport most of his life, heard one plane crash, and saw the results of about a dozen more. The chances of the average person…or PG…getting an opportunity to rescue anyone from a plane crash are roughly the same as being hit by lightning, while attending a home game for the Falcons.

5. Without using a calculator – You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In  Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

It depends on whether the department of labor is involved.

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don’t you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

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