Saint Carrie Prejean

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on September 17, 2010

PG got quoted today in another blog. This person said that PG was a “fair minded liberal”. Those are fighting words in Georgia.

There is an old saying. If a man is not a liberal when he is twenty, he does not have a heart. If he is not a conservative when he is forty, he does not have a brain. PG is fifty six, and wonders about the brain and the heart. However, if he looks down, there is a gut. Middle age will do that to you, and being a skinny corpse is not an option.

Today we have the internet. If you google “am I a fair minded liberal”, you will get 1,890,000 results. There are no tests on the first page of results, but there is this article. “BP pledges to protect the Walrus Population in the Gulf of Mexico from oil leaking from their well”

Now, what we want today is a handy little test that will tell PG if he is a liberal. If we remove the words “fair minded” from the search, that may help. The first one to pop up is from Daniel Kurtzman . Since this is a fair minded blog, we will take both the liberal and conservative quizzes.

Internet quizzes are multiple choice, and often the test taker is left with awful choices. Just like most elections. Question one for both the lib and the con test are about what bumper sticker you are most likely to put on your car. The last bumper sticker PG put on a vehicle was “Don’t blame me, I voted for McGovern”. Today, the conservative choice is “I’d Rather Be Waterboarding”, while the liberal says “Insurance Companies Are Republican Death Panels”. The banner ads for question one are for Altoids and “Rule of a flat stomach”.

Question two is different for the two polarities. Liberals are told that an asteroid is about to destroy earth, and you should choose a book to take with you. This question is sponsored by Avis rent a car. The cons are asked what feature of everyday life the founding fathers would be most upset by. Zales, the diamond store, paid to advertise here.

Question three has the asteroid heading for the conservatives. The liberals are asked who is to blame for a second civil war. PG is offended that the question does not call that conflict by it’s proper name, The War between the States. Since this all got started with a post about the mama grizzly, the choice for the war is “Sarah Palin—for going rogue and leading a secessionist movement to crown herself as “Queen of Jesusland” Only problem is, the Queen of Jesusland is Joseph Ratzinger.

Question four recycles previous choices, with Cons asked about the second civil war (sponsored by Lexus), and Libs asked what offends the founding fathers. The war was caused by “Barack Obama — for accidentally nuking Texas after misreading his TelePrompter”. The founding slaveowners fathers were upset by “The fact that Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat was lost to a truck-driving nudist who tried to auction off his daughters on TV”.

Question five is the same for both classes:”If you could time-travel back to any historical event and bring one thing with you, what would you choose?” As you might imagine, the answers are different, and neither bears much resemblance to reality. The picks are “The day Monica Lewinsky brought Bill Clinton pizza—with a dry-cleaning coupon” and “The day of Obama’s birth in Kenya—with a video camera”. The con side has an ad from Roy Barnes, saying that Nathan Deal is too corrupt even for Congress.

Question six is the same for both deformities. “If you were a candidate for political office, what would your theme song be?”. The liberal side is sponsored by Allstate insurance, and the choice here is “It’s Not Easy Being Green,” by Kermit the Frog. For the cons, the choice is “Won’t get fooled again” by the Who. This song was written by Pete Townsend, who was arrested for using his credit card to buy child porn on the internet. The song “Won’t get fooled again” is about meeting a transvestite.

Question seven gets even kinkier for the cons. “If you could pile any three people into a naked pyramid, who would you choose?” Libs are asked “If you could issue an Executive Order, which of the following would you most like to see happen?” The concept of x rated cable news leads to a choice of “MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow and Ed Schultz.” Rachel is the most rugged, unless Olbermann’s ex Laura Ingraham shows up.

Question eight is where serious action is taken. ” What region of the country would you most like to see kicked out of the Union?” as opposed to “Which of the following groupings of people would you most like to see brought before a death panel, and on what charges?” Does it really matter which group answers which question? The liberal page has an ad from a restaurant chain called Ruby Tuesday. They can host a farewell dinner for “All the blue states—home to spineless, sushi-eating, terrorist-coddling, granny-euthanizing socialists who’d be happier living in France”

Question nine is sponsored, for liberals, by Victoria’s Secret. They are asked what region of America you want returned to Mexico. The cons are asked to issue a dream executive order. The answer chosen gives lie to the notion that conservatives lack imagination. “Make it legal to detain anyone with a Muslim-sounding name and strip-search them for underwear bombs before boarding any plane, including Air Force One”.

Question ten is, mercifully, the last question. This is another repeater, with both categories asked ” If you could chisel any Americans, living or dead, onto Mt. Rushmore, who would you choose?” The conservative choice is “Revs. James Dobson, Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, and Saint Carrie Prejean.” In the spirit of diversity, the lib choice is “Cesar Chavez, Rosa Parks, Harvey Milk, and Angelina Jolie”.

As much fun as taking this quiz was, it is time to get the results. On the liberal test, PG scores “You are a Social Justice Crusader, also known as a rights activist. You believe in equality, fairness, and preventing neo-Confederate conservative troglodytes from rolling back fifty years of civil rights gains.” As a conservative, the result is :”You are a Freedom Crusader, also known as a neoconservative. You believe in taking the fight directly to the enemy, whether it’s terrorists abroad or the liberal terrorist appeasers at home who give them aid and comfort.”

Pictures are from ” The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library” .

6 Responses

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  1. Morgan K Freeberg said, on September 17, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    That was hilarious from start to finish.

    For accuracy over entertainment, the World’s Shortest (Smallest) Political Quiz seems to work well enough.

    And then of course there’s the one from CAP, that I learned from my blog-bud in New Mexico. And we’re getting into fisticuffs over it…for reasons on which I’m not quite clear.

    • chamblee54 said, on September 17, 2010 at 12:31 pm

      Thanks for stopping by. Internet polls are not to be taken seriously.
      As for your post, in Georgia the candidate endorsed by Sarah Palin lost. The man who beat her is a crook, leaving Georgia with a horrible choice in November. I wrote about this on the day after the runoff…

      • Morgan K Freeberg said, on September 17, 2010 at 12:40 pm

        Yes I saw that when it came out. It might be time for you to go back and update that one.

        I pointed out at the beginning of the year that nearly everyone picked by Palin (Item #4) would win, and there’d be this mad dash to talk about the exceptions to the rule…as others have acknowledged, I was phenomenally correct in predicting this. History has unfolded precisely this way.

        She’s the exact opposite of Obama — who remains personally liked by many, who simply cannot stand His ideas and His policies. The plurality that regard Palin as unqualified remains formidable and impenetrable (although it has diminished greatly)…but her ideas are much more popular than Obama’s.

        It seems the midterms are set in stone to turn out one way if the election is about personalities, and the exact opposite way if it is about ideas.

        Anyway, kudos to you for doing some researching into that quote, and speaking publicly about what you learned even though the facts exonerate someone with whom you don’t agree. That takes balls.

      • chamblee54 said, on September 17, 2010 at 12:54 pm

        All politics is local.
        In Georgia, the Palin candidate lost. This may be the exception nationally, but to me it is the race that counts.
        As for November, it is not going to be much of a choice in my precinct.
        Our congressional district is majority black/democrat. While Hank Johnson is not perfect, he is not Cynthia McKinney.
        In the Georgia Senate race, the Republican incumbent should win easily.
        This is a collection of local races. While national issues will affect the results, these elections should be considered on a district by district basis.

  2. said, on September 23, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Traveling in another country is exciting

  3. Making Jolly With Angelina « Chamblee54 said, on September 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    […] something is sure to come up. Today was an exception. A few days ago, PG wrote a post titled Saint Carrie Prejean. The title had very little to do with the post, which was about internet tests to see if you were […]

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