The Mascara Snake Bites Bono

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on March 28, 2011

The screed below is a repost. This feature was the first time Chamblee54 used pictures from The Library of Congress. It is often said that opinions are like sphincters, that everyone has one. The talent discussed below is in the same boat…they produce mountains of  waste, which will not grow roses.

This is far from a comprehensive list. Bruce Springsteen, Pink Floyd, Jethro Dull Tull, and Led Zeppelin inspire similar fervor. The line that usually applies is “they put their pants on one leg at a time”. For the Red Hot Chili Peppers, substitute socks for pants.
The digital medium listverse posted a list of “10 Rock Bands You Either Hate Or Love“. What follows is a commentary by PG about these acts. If you are not interested in opinions, skip to the pictures.
10- Captain Beefheart and his magic band-There was a sampler LP by Warner Brothers around 1970 or so. Available only by mail order, the LP had songs by a variety of Warner Brothers artists. Captain Beefheart was represented by “Hiella guru”, which had a sort of catchy sound. A voice said something like ” Damascus estate”, which fit the overall dada sound of the band. Years later, a groupie wrote a tell all book about her youthful adventures. It turns out the voice said “The mascara snake”
In between the sampler LP and the groupie tell all book, Captain Beefheart played a show at the Great Southeast Music Hall, then located in Cherokee Plaza. PG liked to show up after the second set had started, and the ticket takers left the door open. The night CB played, PG mistimed his visit, and got to talk to a high school classmate, but did not see the show.

09-Metallica- There was a saying in “The electric kool aid acid test” ( which was not the origin of the phrase “drink the kool aid). The merry pranksters set off on a trip around america, and someone said “you are either on the bus or off the bus”. Those might not be the exact words, and they don’t sound as profound without the acid to drive home the emblematic attitude.

Getting back to Metallica, PG has never been on the bus for heavy metal. He heard a thing by Metallica on the radio that was pretty cool. He then read an interview, that made Metallica look like a bunch of alcoholic right wing jerks. They stagger all the way to the bank.

08-U2- Paydirt. The favorite band of millions, U2 can make PG switch radio stations faster than a used car dealer commercial. Incriminating evidence of Payola in the radio industry,the U stands for Ugh. The guitar player only seems to know one riff. If autos could run on Bono’s ego, there would be no energy crisis ever. Bono is a vocal Jesus Worshiper, with Episcopal churches having U2 services.

07-Aerosmith- These guys are famous today because they didn’t OD, despite the best efforts of Stephen Tyler. The simply are not that good. The rabbit is not the only thing that died.

06-Sonic Youth-PG quit being hip a long time ago. Once he saw a comment about Bono, and thought it was about Sonny. He does not know enough about Sonic Youth to have an opinion. For once, that is going to stop him.

05-Elvis Presley- There was a story about Elvis and Natalie Wood. She wanted him to be in a movie she was making, and he did a screen test. To the surprise of many, Elvis could act when he wanted to. The only trouble was, Colonel Tom Parker did not want him to do the film, and so it didn’t happen.

Elvis is an American phenomenon. He was the union of hype and talent. He was also watched over by Colonel Tom Parker, and never stepped out of the role that was chosen for him. Elvis also had the musicians gift for self destruction.

PG heard a racist rant about Elvis once, to the effect that Elvis stole his music from black people. Which only means that it was worth taking.

04-The Beach Boys-Like Elvis, The Beach Boys are tough to not like. Even Nancy Reagan was a fan, and Brian Wilson did not just say no. Maybe they became a self parody, but when they were in the early sixties prime, there was no one who could sing like them.

03-The Velvet Underground-The Velvets existed before recording technology could handle them. There recorded output sucks. The Andy Warhol days were essentially an audition for John Cale, Lou Reed, and Nico. All of them did outstanding work after the demise of the VU. When PG saw Lou Reed doing car commercials…

02-The Eagles- PG read the tell all book by Don Felder. This is a mean, selfish bunch. They made some good records, and did mountains of drugs. Eagles lyrics are endlessly quoted by people who are trying to appear hipper than they really are. Maybe they are elbowsters.

PG stood outside the Omni one night, trying to get a ticket to see The Eagles inside. One of the scalpers had a t shirt, with the phrase “DISCO SUCKS” in six inch tall letters. This negativity is what PG associates with The Eagles.

01- The Grateful Dead-PG has written about the Dead before. Lots of people think they are groovy. What is usually not said out loud is the “other ones”, who are not on the bus.
The Dead liked to be loose on stage. Sometimes, this translated into shows that were horrible. Many people, not indoctrinated into the cult of Jerry, went to one of these shows and decided that yes, they were dead, or at least smelled like it. This download ,from a 1991 show, is an example. Many of their later shows were more family gatherings than musical events.

Dead heads can also be a problem. Like some of the other units in this list, there are fanatic followers of the GD. Like many fanatics, they sometimes turn as many people away from the object of adoration, as the do towards it.

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