The Night Janitor Had Become An Expert Of Evading Questions

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on April 27, 2011

PG was listening to a conversation about a proposal to have a national vote for President. This would seem to be a no brainer. After the nightmare of 2000, where an idiot was chosen to serve as President, after losing the popular vote, it would seem to be the first order of business.

The electoral college system of electing the President has taken away the choice from Georgia voters for years. This is a very very red state. The powers that be know this, and ignore Georgia in the elections. They want to pay attention to states like Ohio, the “swing” states. If John Kerry had gotten 50k more votes in Ohio, then he would have won the election. Never mind that he lost  the popular vote by three million.

Meanwhile, PG looked through his archives for a repeat, and found something that has never been posted. This uplifting story was found at WFMU. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.

Glen McDonald of Vancouver’s Coroner court remembers that he was “about to leave [the] office when the telephone rang … I was looking forward to a gin and tonic … It was the dispatcher from Metropolitan Ambulance … Mac, we’ve got a beauty for you.”

McDonald has been asked to retell the story many times. It is the thing of local legend, and no matter how emphatic one’s retelling of this evening is, it is difficult to convince people it is true. It is easily dismissed as urban legend. But in the conservative timber of Coroner McDonald, it is impossible to doubt him. “The Vancouver City Police report … managed to spell the celluloid hero’s name wrong … The news media and everyone else were on the phone … The calls were fast and furious by now … Even the night janitor was talking to The New York Times … I couldn’t help thinking [about] that remark Flynn made about Texas Guinan dying in Vancouver … [Errol Flynn’s] face was sallow and a bit puffy and he looked an awful lot older than fifty years. He looked worn out, wasted … The autopsy concluded that the death was due to “myocardial infarction, coronary thrombosis, coronary atherosclerosis, fatty degeneration of the liver, portal cirrhosis of the liver and diverticulosis of the colon … I am therefore, of the opinion that this death should be classified, in the view of the above noted autopsy findings, as having been due to natural causes.” The belongings found on his person were itemized and bagged: eighty dollars, a credit card, cigarette lighter, a ring and a gold watch that was monogrammed.”

What followed next is something straight out of Ripley’s Believe it or Not. “An observation [Chief Pathologist] Dr. Tom Harmon made startled me. It concerned a number of VD warts on the end of Flynn’s penis. Tom seemed fascinated. ‘Well, Tom,’ I said, ‘They may be of clinical interest to you as a medical man, but there’s going to be another autopsy done down in Los Angeles. I really don’t think these warts are material to the case. Unless you disagree.’ ‘Perhaps not … But, look, I’m going to be lecturing at the Institute of Pathology and I just thought it might be of interest if I could remove these things and fix them in formaldehyde and use them as a visual aid.’ ‘No way!’ I said. ‘We’re not going to do that. I don’t want anything done that isn’t relevant to the case because we’re really in the limelight tonight. We’re on the hot seat. How can we send Mr. Flynn back to his wife with part of his bloody endowment missing?’ So I insisted on absolutely no change or variation of routine procedures … I left Doc Harmon and Errol Flynn alone in the autopsy room … the telephones were still ringing like mad … The night janitor had become an expert of evading questions … Doc Harmon strolled casually into my office, ‘Well, I’ve finished,’ he said. Tom and I went back to the autopsy room and the first thing I noticed was that the VD warts had gone – vanished from the end of Mr. Flynn’s penis. Then I spotted a jar of formaldehyde on a shelf that looked suspiciously like it might contain VD warts. It did.

“Oh, God! Tom had gone and done it. I sighed and asked the Doc, ‘Did you have to remove those bloody warts … Did Errol Flynn expire because he had warts on his dong?’ Tom looked sheepish but we were both laughing at the utter silliness of the whole thing. ‘Put them back,’ I said, ‘Right now!’ Maybe the Doc had never seen warts of that enormity. Maybe he wanted a souvenir. I never did figure out why but the temptation had been too great … So the bloody warts were fished out of the formaldehyde jar and, using the good offices of scotch tape, Doc Harmon and I stuck them back where they belonged. Everything was back to normal. And I was relieved to learn later, talking with the Chief Coroner in Los Angeles, that a further autopsy was performed and the results concurred in every respect with what we had found. The scotch tape was never mentioned.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: