The Truck Was Totaled

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on August 29, 2011

These two stories are borrowed from Gartalker’s Blog. The pictures are from ” The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library” .
One day Bubba is setting at home watching the Saints play ball. He has the house to himself and is totally enjoying the solitude. Mary Jane has gone down to Wal-mart. Bubba knows she will be gone until after the game. The kids are all over at their Aunt’s house for the afternoon. Things  can’t get any better.
“Touch down!” The announcer screams as if he had made the catch himself. Bubba jumps up, and his beer goes one way, and the sack of Doritos fly the other.
Finally, after the Saints get the extra point and placed themselves in a good position on the score board Bubba eases back down in his chair. Before he can get settled in there is a knock at the door. Bubba cusses under his breath, and for the first time wishes one of the boys was at home to answer the door. Before he can make it to the door, there is another knock. The second knock is louder and more impatient sounding than the first. When he opens the door there stands two large deputy sheriffs.
Bubba says, “What has them boys gone and done now?” The bigger of the two deputies seems to ignore Bubba and ask to see a picture of Mary Jane. “What you need a picture of my wife for?”
“Please Mr. Jones surely you have a picture of your wife.”
“Course I do.” Bubba then fishes a picture of Mary Jane out of his wallet.
“Here you go. Now what is this all about?”
The first deputy studied the picture a moment and then passed it to the junior officer. Both looked at each other, as if they were in agreement. “Mr. Jones I hate to be the one that says this, but it looks like a truck ran over your wife.”
Bubba frowns. “I know it does but she has a great personality, and their ain’t no one in the county that can out cook her.”

There was a couple unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ‘Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.’
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said, ‘I’ve come to…’
‘Oh, no need to explain,’ Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ‘I’ve been expecting you.’
‘Have you really?’ said the photographer. ‘Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?’
‘Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat ! After a moment she asked, blushing, ‘Well, where do we start?’
‘Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.’
‘Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!’
‘Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.’
‘My, that’s a lot!’, gasped Mrs. Smith.
‘Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.’
‘Don’t I know it,’ said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ‘This was done on the top of a bus,’ he said.
‘Oh, my God!’ Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
‘And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.’‘She was difficult?’ asked Mrs. Smith.
‘Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look’
‘Four and five deep?’ said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
‘Yes’, the photographer replied. ‘And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.’
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ‘Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?’
‘It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get started.’
‘What do you need a tripod for?’
‘My cannon. It is way to heavy to hold in my hand for any length of time.’
Mrs. Smith fainted.

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