Your Hair And Corndog Offend Me

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on October 28, 2011

You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles (ony) /// “Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.” –Horace Mann (fb) ///  I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (ony) /// Tourist girl to friend: Thank god our bodies don’t completely turn off when we go to sleep or else people would be getting raped and murder all the time. Wanna see the shirt I got? –F Train (ony) ///  “When fascism comes to america, it will be holding a cross wrapped in a flag.” (fb) /// do it yourself (DIY)— lots of folks (fb) ///I know I’m constantly being manipulated by my cats, but I love ’em anyway… (fb) /// We have been called to heal wounds, to unite what has fallen apart, & to bring home those who have lost their way. – St. Francis of Assisi (fb) ///”A faith that cannot survive collision with the truth is not worth many regrets.” ~ Arthur C. Clark (fb) /// Written on the side of my new glasses: FOSSIL. An apt description of an old dude wearing progressive bifocals. (fb) ///Cashier, looking at driver’s license: Oh, you’re an organ donor? Lady: Yes… Cashier: Did it hurt?! –Target (ony) /// I think we’re getting a little bogged down by our definitions of definition. (fb) /// “If politics is fundamentally about solidarity—and I believe it is—then poetry is the most profound form of politics” — @tejucole (tw) /// RT @tejucole: Sergeant Baba Wuya was on night patrol on Lasisi Street in Jos when he felt machetes descend on him, and then ceased to feel. (tw) /// The #OccupyWallStreet #OccupyAtlanta movements have one principle argument in common. The status quo is entirely unacceptable. (tw) /// I’m at the point in my life where I’m trying to get guys I’ve fucked to give a ride to guys I’m going to fuck. (ony) /// “Only when the last tree is cut down, the last fish pulled from the river, the last sunrise blotted out and last lands made dug for our fills will we realize maybe, just maybe that we can’t eat money.” (fb) /// The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands. (fb) /// That awkward moment when your sexuality is kinda being erased in a technically non-offensive way. (fb) /// If you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. (fb) /// “It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right – especially when one is right.” – Friedrich Nietzsche (fb) /// Angel Poventud (spell check suggestion : Ventured)#occupyatlanta 3:28am there was a large police presence surrounding the park. Command vehicle still here, tents still here. Status quo? (tw) /// Winnie Anne Wright We’re sitting at the bar at waffle house, they’re doing dishes in front of me. All the smells are about to make me sick. #Sundayproblems (tw) /// Dalton Healey The first time I have ever had a wait at Waffle House, I wasn’t aware that even existed! (tw) /// Confused teenage girl to another, looking at wall of silver-screen era movie star magazines: Where’s Justin Bieber? –Museum of the Moving Image, Astoria (ony) /// Big blond tourist doof to grossly overweight wife who eyeballs every passenger: Yes, you’ll see all kinds here. –Uptown 1 Train (ony) /// Pretentious, fake man to pretentious, fake woman: But of course, Soho in the old days was so pretentious and fake… –Art Gallery, Chelsea (ony) ///Hobo poet on train: Ladies and gents, a subway haiku for you: “New York subway map/ Manhattan flaccid penis/Brooklyn/Queens scrotum.” –2 Express Train (ony) /// “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” – Aristotle (fb) /// “Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.” – Vanilla Sky (fb) /// Beryl: ” Anyone ever telll you that you were fickle?” Linda:” No. I never hang around long enough!” (fb) /// Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~His Holiness The Dalai Lama (fb) /// I’m so over every discussion turning into a rant about racism and privelege these days. I’m also over hearing about “The Man”, “The 1%”, and how Kate Middleton is bringing back pantyhose. (fb) /// The ear is a better communicator than the tongue. (aph) /// If you feel offended you are ready to write an aphorism. (aph) /// Rudeness is sauce to his good wit, which gives men stomach to digest his words with better appetite. (aph) /// Girl: So I got undressed, pulled out my vibrator, and asked him to give me a little inspiration and cheer me along. He said he’d be right back and returned with a family-size box of Cheeze-Its. Like, what the fuck? Boy: When a girl says she wants to cum for you on camera, it’s generally not a good time to go to the concession stand. –W 3rd (ony) ///There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood leads on to Fortune; omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. (aph) /// There is no alchemy that changes opinions into facts; the search continues for an alchemy that allows facts to alter opinions. (aph) While you can understand the tragedy of the commons on an intellectual level, you really can’t feel it on a visceral level until you try to find a clean public restroom. (fb) /// A Facebook friend posted a very racist picture. I commented this is racist and offensive. A girl quickly responded: “Your hair and corndog offend me.” I might get this tattooed. It is just too good. (fb) /// You and your rumors have two things in common; you’re both fake and you both get around… (fb) /// If I say what I think, I’m a bitch. If I cry some times, I’m a drama queen. If I have guy friends, I’m a slut. If I stand up for myself, I’m mouthy. Seems like you can’t do anything now a days without being labeled. So what, go ahead and label me, see if I care. Re-post this if you’re proud of who you are!!!! (fb) /// “By appreciation we make excellence in others our own property.” — Voltaire fucl /// If a pizza has thickness a and radius z, then its volume is pi z z a. fucl ///  Thank God I didn’t lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit. (ony) /// I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (ony) /// I’m at the point in my life where I’m trying to get guys I’ve fucked to give a ride to guys I’m going to fuck. (ony) /// “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin (fb) /// “You have no right to set up standards and ideals for other people, and you have no right to expect in others a perfection that is lacking in yourself”. (fb) /// “There is nothing worse than fading into anonymous obscurity.” – Unknown (fb) /// Thank God I didn’t lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit. (ony) /// This isn’t his Halloween costume. It’s from Jenny’s wedding, so don’t report me to DEFACS. (fb) /// Sam Simpson Nothing better than redneck waffle house in GA ! (tw) /// Alex Rogers The chef at the waffle house has a staring problem (tw) /// Chill-Cool Chunn @OMFG_imAWESOME this waffle house is a trip! Waitress yelling, forgetting food, and old lady preaching about money. (tw) /// Bryania Banner darby: do you have a boyfriend? me: no. darby: does he hate you? me: i dont know.. darby: i think he does. me: haha..probably. (tw) /// Elementary school boy #1: You wanna know why Wal-Mart is the best? Cause you can buy a big box of cereal in one aisle, then go to the next aisle and buy a gun! What more do you need? Elementary school boy #2: Wowee… Elementary school boy #1: Exactly! You can’t do that anywhere else in the world! –6 Train (ony) /// I’m pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail. (ony) /// $150 bar tab covered by these tits. That’s now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins. (ony) /// Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap (ony) /// These visits to alternative reality are from a variety of sources. Included are Facebook (fb), twitter (tw), Futility Closet (fucl), All Aphorisms, All The Time (Aph) (Aph), and Overheard in New York (ony). Pictures are from The Library of Congress . These images are Union soldiers from the War Between The States. The video is courtesy of Live Apartment Fire. Selah.

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