Writer’s Tackle

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on December 12, 2011

Chamblee54 has an archive with roughly 1900 posts. When the well of inspiration runs dry, the archive is a good place to find text, to go between the pictures. ( Pictures today are from chamblee54). There was an overtitled effort called When Dogs Fly and You Clean Up, which featured a list of puzzling questions. In an effort to waste more bandwidth than before, we are reprinting the unedited list of questions, plus a few from the comments. 01 Can you cry under water? 02 How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered 03 Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to? 04 Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 05 Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 06 What disease did cured ham actually have? 07 How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 08 Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours? 09 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 10 Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV? 11 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 12 Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway. 13 Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural? 14 Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? 14 If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? 15 If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat? 16 Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on al l fours? They’re both dogs! 17 If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME cag, why didn’t he just buy something to eat? 18 If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? 19 Why do the Alphabet song and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” have the same tune? 20 Why did you just try singing the two songs above? 21 Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? 22 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? 23 Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not enough money? 24 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 25 Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? 26 Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? 27 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? 28 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 29 Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’? 30 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? 31 Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? 32 Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? 33 Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? 34 Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? 35 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? 36 How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? 37 When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t allright,so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going? 38 Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? 39 In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? 40 How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? 41 Why do they call them aPARTments when they are so close together? 42 Why do we park in the driveway and drive on parkways? 43 Is there another word for thesaurus? 44 What’s the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup? 45 Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? 46 Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes? 47 Why are there ironing instructions on a pair of boxers? Does anyone really do that?  48 With GPS devices eliminating the need to ask for directions, what will female comedians make jokes about ?

3 Responses

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  1. Treatment « Chamblee54 said, on December 2, 2012 at 10:02 am

    […] University Library” . This is a repost. PG thinks writer’s block should be called writer’s tackle, but few agree. The owner of this blog has stumbled into a session of contract employment, and does […]

  2. […] University Library”. This is a repost. PG thinks writer’s block should be called writer’s tackle, but few […]

  3. […] University Library”. This is a repost. PG thinks writer’s block should be called writer’s tackle, but few […]

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