The Eyewitness Is Dead

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on May 31, 2012

These visits to alternative reality are from a variety of sources. Included are Facebook (fb), twitter (tw), Futility Closet (fc), All Aphorisms, All The Time (Aph), Texts From Last Night (tln) , and Overheard in New York (ony). Attempts to maintain a no profanity blog will be suspended for this post. ~ ‏@bukquotes “these demons have staying power.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “I was easy to please. It was the rest of the world that was the problem.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “there was always the danger of men who originally wrote things down well of becoming professional writers.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “But what did it really matter who screwed who? It was finally all so drab. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “to walk a city street is to see hell early.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~‏@Enernoj “Wanna come back to my place and violate the sanctity of marriage?” – #FloridaPickupLines (tw) ~ @david_arnott #FloridaPickupLines Are those Skittles in your hoodie, or are you just happy to see me? (tw) ~ @jimray Isn’t Amercia the name of that Caribbean nation where Mittens keeps his money so he doesn’t have to pay taxes? #mitt2012 #withmitt (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport My phone autocorrects “Amercia” to “America,” and autocorrects “Romney” to “Blow me.” (tw) ~ “Mistakes happen,” Andrea Saul, Romney Press Secretary , said in an appearance on MSNBC Wednesday morning. “I don’t think any voter cares about a typo.” ~ @MittRomney The iPhone app is here – download it & tweet your photos using ‪#WithMitt‬. Will RT some favorites tomorrow (tw) ~ @alaindebotton (For no good reasons) the greatest taboo in the eyes of the art establishment is the suggestion that art should be ‘useful’. (tw) ~ @MlTTR0MNEY So what if I can’t spell America? California elected a Gov. who couldn’t pronounce their state and it worked out…uh oh. #Amercia #withmitt (tw) ~ @PassingWhite 32 plural wives MT @nojorising @mittromney I’m with @mittromney. Here’s a photo showing my support. #mitt2012 #withmitt (tw) ~ @alaindebotton To judge from a lot of modern parenting, psychotherapy will continue to be a growth area deep into the 21st century. (tw) ~ You must have purchased items from Amazon to post. ~ Do you have a Hot topic on your mind that you just want to rant about… DISH DISH DISH!! I have some myself. about certain people i know. But i don’t know where to begin. He makes me so angry. But as i said i dont know where i should start. In the beginning the middle or the ending result of why we fell out. And if you must know. i Despise LIARS and THIEVES!! (fb) ~ Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain. -Anonymous (fb) ~ I am out of the country until May 27th and will be checking my email periodically. If your message requires a timely response, I will get back to you within a few days. Otherwise, I will respond to emails upon my return home. (fb) ~ A sleeper from the Amazon Put nighties of his gramazon. The reason? That He was too fat To get his own pajamazon. (fc) ~ Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship (tln) ~ You say you’re gonna take rehab seriously… but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia. (tln) ~ So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that “I’d need a glass of water after that” (tln) ~ New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now (tln) ~ I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing. (tln) ~ All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it’s inside of a body builder’s asshole. He’s doing squats. (tln) ~ It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before. (tln) ~ theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours? (tln) ~ Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket? (tln) ~ My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I’m chugging wine. (tln) ~ Climbing out Mr. Friday night’s bathroom window. He thinks I’m puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that’d be dandy. (tln) ~ Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I’m starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he’s better than. Just for comparison purposes of course. (tln) ~ @bukquotes “How odd that everybody was younger than I.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ @bukquotes “I’ve got to get back to the typewriter, I thought. Art takes discipline. Any asshole can chase a skirt.” ~ Charles Bukowski (tw) ~ ‏@bukquotes A guy on the bus next to me asked, “What are you reading?” Saw it was Women, and said, “Yeah, I can usually read women pretty well.” (tw) ~ Lady at shop: Are you Mexican? My ex was Mexican. He was shorter than me, but I loved him. Until he stabbed someone. (pause) Sweetheart, I need a lot of napkins–I don’t have my top teeth. (ony) ~ 20-something dude, talking to couple: I’m not sure if I want to go out with her. She has the kind of STDs that Ben Franklin had. (ony) ~ Angry suit on cell: I can sue you for defecation of character! (ony) ~ Naked guy to fellow naked guy, about boss: He’s so dumb! Why won’t natural selection just step in and make him walk in front of a bus? (ony) ~ Irate black man on cell: I love you, but you’re fuckin stupid. (ony) ~ Guy: People see me in a nursing uniform and they expect me to help. But I have a philosophy: stupid people deserve to die. (ony) ~ Old guy to young couple, upon departing train: Have a good night, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and if you do, wash your hair! (ony) ~ Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex (tln) ~ Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic. (tln) ~ Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week! (tln) ~ Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes. (tln) ~ I’m gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground. (tln) ~ This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies (tln) ~ Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low. (tln) ~ We’ll talk about this tommorrow when I’m not mistaking my fingers for French fries…. (tln) ~ You didn’t act like you were blacked out yesterday…I didn’t know (tln) ~ I know it’s not technically the “Mile High Club” but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened. (tln) ~ I’m worried my skin won’t stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what? (tln) ~ I’m pretty sure every guy I’ve been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant… (tln) ~ The fact that you can’t sell your daughter for three goats and a cow means we’ve already redifined marriage.(fb) ~ “It is easy for those who do nothing to criticize. Those who do much and love much, make mistakes” — Elbert Hubbard (fb) ~ “Nature is as prolific with man as she is with the seeds of the Maple, spores of the mushroom, and eggs of the Salmon. Too create a perfect man, she must make a million boobs.” — Elbert Hubbard (fb) ~ “FEAR – A method devised by Region and Government to keep the people from taking back what is theirs.” — Roycroft Dictionary (fb) ~ “We’re All Gonna Die” — anonymous (fb) ~ “The French have no word for Entrepreneur” —- Boy George Bush (fb) ~ “Fighting for Peace is like F**king for Chastity” —- Bathroom wall in Bloomington IN (fb) ~ Better bread with water than cake with trouble….. Russian Proverb (fb) ~ Small fish live in shallow water. (Aph) ~ You take people’s word and soon find that you’ve appropriated their whole vocabulary. (Aph) ~ The fear of falling in love with yourself is that you will displace no one. (Aph) ~ When you are washed up you never realize the extent of shoreline you have to yourself. (Aph) ~ The faith you lose in people is almost enough to start a religion elsewhere. (Aph) ~ Too many women around a man always camouflages his inability to make friends. (Aph) ~ No matter how we talk a thing to death, death always has the last word. (Aph) ~ @tejucole From  five floors up,  Sophie fell into Orchard Street, but was only slightly bruised. (tw) ~

What we want to hear determines almost everything people say. (Aph) ~ You get carried away less often the older you get despite being closer to ending up on a stretcher. (Aph) ~ We are always at the mercy of our inability to give it. (Aph) ~ Murmurs often appear in those hearts that have no say. (Aph) ~ That life is almost meaningless in its brevity naturally shortens the attention span. (Aph) ~ A person’s pride is accountable for almost all their loneliness. (Aph) ~ What you love never leaves you, who you love always does. (Aph) ~ Mom with stroller to another: Am I the only one who thinks being a stay-at-home mom makes you a raging alcoholic? I mean… What else are you supposed to do with your time? (ony) ~  Basketball teen to friend, on girl who betrayed a best friend: We’re still friends on Facebook, but we not friends on Twitter. (ony) ~ Lady to stranger petting her dog: He’s great. I like him more than I like my friends. (ony) ~ Girl to friend: We’re not really dating, we’re not really friends either, we have a sexual acquaintanceship. (ony) ~ Asian girl on phone with her mother: He’s not a regular Hispanic, you know, he speaks English, recycles, and likes museums. (ony) ~ Potpourri: 1) I would like for all the gay stuff to calm down. I think giving attention to a few crackpots who say wild shit doesn’t really advance anything. 2) They found Etan Patz’s killer. I never knew about that til recently. 3) Space stations? 4) Remember also that truth is stranger than fiction. 5) Have a nice weekend. Memorial Day is a nice holiday.~ Today (May 25) is the last day in the Gregorian calendar in which the month number is the square root of the day number. The others are January 1, February 4, March 9 and April 16. ~ how would you feel if your name was Ludmila? ~ also: the difference between doing it and not doing it is doing it. -grant henry ~ More pourri and less pot is suggested. (fb) ~ I keep forgetting to avoid Walgreens on coupon day. Only the flashing red light in my own palm keeps me shut up around the arguing old biddies. (fb) ~ This is how people become gay ~ @TheDanielNavy #iUseTwitterBecause you guys are as appalling and abrasive as I am :’) (tw) ~ @tejucole To two of her daughters, Elizabeth and Clarine, Mrs Warner, of Los Angeles, willed $250,000, and to the third, Edith, $5. (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport RT @MittRomney I apologize for “Amercia” misspelling. The staff member who did it was foreign and has now self-deported. (tw) ~ @alaindebotton We study biology, physics, movements of glaciers… Where are the classes on envy, feeling wronged, despair, bitterness… (tw) ~ @mystie03 #iUseTwitterBecause my real friends are not as cool & as funny as my followers!! (tw) ~ @watsonheart #iUseTwitterBecause i can tweet every minute. If i were to do that on facebook you would look like a complete idiot. (tw) ~ @GirlsAloud_USA #iUseTwitterBecause it gives me a chance to speak my mind with less consequences than reality (tw) ~ @BorowitzReport It’s weird that the candidate who was born in Kenya is the one who can spell America. (tw) ~ @alaindebotton ‘Freedom of speech’ obscures difference between what you can say in theory – and what you can say and retain any friends. (tw) ~ Men see themselves in women’s eyes; women trust the mirror. (Aph) ~ People who argue whether the glass is half empty or half full are probably not thirsty. (Aph) ~ People drown in shallow thoughts. (Aph) ~ It’s easy to write history. All the eyewitnesses are dead. (Aph) ~ @BorowitzReport I’m glad the Library of Congress is storing tweets so alien scientists will someday know why our civilization fell. (tw) ~ @NikkiMJFisher Do you feel comfortable knowing Thomas Donilon &John Brennan have the power to decide who lives and who dies? ‪#killist‬ (tw) ~ @Trendeh #IUseTwitterBecause people have to keep their stupid drama to 140 characters or less. (tw) ~ @iiiRelate_ @BorowitzReport It turns out that Mitt Romney also had a Kill List, and Chrysler and GM were on it. #killist (tw) ~ @Lprice3 Everyone who tweets #killist is going to end up on the DHS watch list – new “monitor” word? (Hello “the man”!) (tw) ~ 1- This is fun to listen to. What I really want to hear is another conversation between Ms. Hurlburt and Eli Lake. 2- Talk about revealing your age. The actual counter slogan in 1964 was “In your guts you know he’s nuts”. Which rhymes, and should be used in every Presidential election. 3- Ms. Hurlburt refers to a PG link. As the reader(s) of this blog know, PG is the stand in for the blog owner. In any event. PG is not Bolton curious. 4- This is another appalling visual. chamblee54 ~ “The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.” Oscar Wilde (tw) ~ It all depends if the displeasure is because your ego has stopped hearing itself in the other voice or that the conversation has becomes a monosyllabic joust of quotidian half hearted pleasentries. (fb) ~ Clothes we buy at sweatshop labor, drugs we buy from corporate enablers. We’re not living the good life, unless we’re fighting the good fight– you and me, just trying to get it right. (fb) ~ I haven’t been up this early since earlier (fb) ~ Most of all I rely on our spiritual connection with each other. I have long believed that beyond any religious teachings, dogma, principles, cannon laws or words written in stone it is the quality of love and respect with which we treat each other (including the plant, animal, mineral, and other elements of the natural creation) that best allows the God of my Understanding to be present in my life. Thank you for the degree to which you participate and share in that with me. (fb) ~ Whenever I try to understand the world, often I find myself thinking, “Why would healthy, well-adjusted people do ________? And then I realize that the world is not composed of healthy, well-adjusted people. And THAT’s why the paparazzi exists. (fb) ~ “Love, friendship, respect, do not unite people as much as a common hatred for something.” — Anton Chekhov (fb) ~ I shared with a bar mitzvah student that God would have better off if S/He had taken anger management. (fb) ~ A wise man once said, “If you really, really wanna piss people off … just change your name on Facebook.” (fb) ~ Warning- Any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental, public or private structure including but not limited to the United States or Canadian Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including……, ……but not limited to…… my photos, and/ or the comments made about my photo’s or any other “picture” art posted on my profile. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee(s), agent(s), student(s) or any personnel under your direction or control. The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law. UCC 1-103 1-308 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WITHOUT PREJUDICE It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one. Thank you. FB is now a publicly traded site. Protect yourself. (fb) ~ @tejucole Visiting Chicago, Reverend Heck was hit by a falling window washer. The reverend’s injuries were serious, the washer’s fatal. (tw) ~ @alaindebotton We study biology, physics, movements of glaciers… Where are the classes on envy, feeling wronged, despair, bitterness… (tw) ~ #iUseTwitterBecause I hate my Facebook friends. (tw) ~ @alaindebotton It’s a homage to all the really great ones that even the worst books are hard to throw away without guilt. (tw) ~ @_TheOneWho #iUseTwitterBecause I can relate to my followers more than my real friends. (tw) ~ @ComedyTruth #iUseTwitterBecause if I updated my facebook status as much as I tweet, then everyone would think I’m annoying (tw) ~ #iUseTwitterBecause I can talk to myself without looking stupid .. (tw) ~ #iUseTwitterBecause my family has used Twitter since coming over to America on the Mayflower, and I dutifully continue our proud tradition (tw) ~ Selah

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