Drug Screen

Posted in Georgia History, Undogegorized by chamblee54 on May 30, 2013








Drug testing used to be an exotic, expensive procedure. In the eighties, it was famous athletes. After that camel stuck his nose under the tent flap, the privilege was extended to anyone who wanted a job. Alcohol use continues to be condoned, with the supply advertised on television. This does not affect the urine industrial complex.

PG is working on getting a job, and testing is part of the ritual. This has happened is four or five times before. The first time was in a dirty MOB downtown, with rude employees. Once, the cup was filled at a chiropractic office, which did drug screens as a sideline activity. All of these had negative scores.

The latest collection experience had a few new twists. You are sent a barcode enabled form to print, and bring with you. The email says to “Limit your fluid intake to no more than 24 fluid ounces in the 3 hours before you test.” An address and phone number are given. PG talks to the lady, who tells him where to park. It is the same lady who will wait on him at the facility.

The collection, and hopeful employment, is in Atlanta GA. “Employer Information” comes out of Riverside CA. “Medical Review Officer/Managed Service Provider” is located in Philadelphia PA. Some delivery service will get some business, and the internet comes in handy again. PG has taken a test where the results were processed immediately in the office. Why is a bi-coastal effort is needed?

In medical dealings, the first concrete indication that you are entering an alien environment is getting the magnetic striped parking ticket from the machine. You drive until you find an empty spot, a few numbers down from the valet parking. Walking past the cluster of conversation at the security desk, you go into the office and sign in.

The lady calls your name, and you go into the room. You hand her the paperwork, and your drivers license. There is a metal box with a lock on it. You place what is in your pockets in the lockbox, and take the key. You go to the sink, wash your hands with plain water, without any soap. It is ok to dry your hands. You are given a plastic cup.

You enter the collection room. Even though you are not told whether or not to do it, you lift the seat. The cup is filled past the invisible line, and the remainder of the product goes in the commode. You do not flush, per instructions. You go out, and wash your hands again, this time using soap. The lady is wearing plastic gloves now, of a tasteful blue shade. She places part of the sample in a small plastic container, and places a sticker over the lid. The sticker has a bunch of numbers, and a bar code. You sign a form saying that the sample was not adulterated, among other things.

The lady is very nice throughout the visit. The office will not receive results, and does not know where the testing will take place. You walk out to your vehcie. Since you have been there less than twenty minutes, you don’t have to pay.

The next day, saw an email. “We have received your drug results back and they have come back as dilute, which means you consumed too much liquids prior to your testing. You will be required to go back and complete another test. Please try and limit your fluid to no more than 16 fl. oz prior to this test.” Adequate hydration will have to wait.

This message came after a facebook exchange. A post was made to a community page. ‏@tejucole I learn more about privilege from what I get wrong about misogyny than from what I get right about racism. A few minutes later, this comment arrived. “Did you mean to post the out of the blue statement about privilege on the faerie page?” PG took the post down. Let sleeping dogs lie, especially the bitches.

The notice about the second test came at 1:30. PG tried to calculate how many ounces of fluid he had consumed, and decided to wait. At 3:30, he went down the familiar road to pill hill.

The second visit to the collection facility was different. There were several people in the waiting room, and they were all serviced before PG. Finally, he went into the room. The lady was much more businesslike than the one the day before. The procedure was a bit different. Go in there, and fill the cup above the line. Do not flush. A minute later, PG comes back with a full cup. The lady poured a sample into a plastic container, and said to empty the cup into the commode, flush, throw the cup away, and wash your hands with soap and water. The procedure was finished at 4:19, Since PG left his car for more than a half hour, there was a $3.50 charge for parking.

When PG got home, he emptied his pockets. There was an extra set of keys. He had taken home the keys to the lockbox. A third trip to the collection facility was required. Two business days later, the test results came back. PG was certified ready to go to work. Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives,Georgia State University Library”.









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  1. Drug Screen | Chamblee54 said, on December 19, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    […] on the email, in fine print. PG printed the email, and wrote the address, and phone number, of the nearest office on the back. This office had moved across the street. PG called the phone number. A lengthy […]

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