Gagless Oscillation

Posted in Book Reports, GSU photo archive, Poem, Undogegorized by chamblee54 on March 26, 2015








One afternoon, PG was in the Kroger parking lot, waiting on his brother GP. This is a no-name Kroger, unlike Disco Kroger or Murder Kroger. It is on Buford Hiway, and has a very bad parking lot. Parking Danger Kroger doesn’t have the poetic allure of Murder Kroger.

On this fine afternoon, PG was almost two thirds of the way through Carsick: John Waters Hitchhikes Across America. The 66.6% number has nothing to do with pages. This book has three parts. One is a fantasy of good rides. The second is a fantasy of bad rides. This is the two thirds in question. The last part is the real rides. Trusting John Waters with reality is questionable.

On page 173, PG stumbled onto a good quote. JSW is riding with “Bristol,” an out of control animal rescue activist. This is probably not Sarah Palin’s daughter. At one point, a dog is seen feasting on roadkill, and a rescue begins. Once the critter is in the vehicle, JSW writes “I can see the stringy shreds of putrified fox meat still caught in the beast’s mouth.”

There had been other dandy quotes. Since PG reads to have fun, and is not writing a term paper, the majority of them will have to lie unmolested in the text. PG tried to dig up a few, like this on page 74. “Gasping for air, Buster returns the favor, twisting his long tongue around hers like a lasso and then deep throating it down to her tonsils with expert sword-swallowing, gagless oscillation.”

On page 190, the bad rides are hitting rock bottom. (Spoiler alert) “Randy’s dick seems to be leaking some kind of fluid, and its definitely not sperm. I scream for my life.” JSW is killed, and goes to the Pearly Gate. Art Linkletter is hanging out with G-d. JSW goes to hell.

There are other unmentionables in this story. The possibility arises that a freshly murdered JSW will wind up in Leakin Park, made famous recently in Serial. On page 163, a driver is said to smell worse than B.O. Plenty. This refers to a character in the Dick Tracy stories. Since comic book drawings are odor free, this man probably was not known for his poor hygiene.

This post needs a bit more text. We will apply the page 123 meme. “Before I can even attempt to pull the gun away, Stew gets a stunned look on his face and then projectile-vomits. I grab the wheel, he grabs it back. The stench of his puke covering his side of the windshield seems to give him no pause.” Pictures today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.









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  1. Carsick | Chamblee54 said, on April 6, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    […] Dietician, the Pope of trash. The first part of Carsick was covered in the tastefully titled Gagless Oscillation. The last part is reality, the way things really happened. Never say “John Waters” and […]

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