Chamblee54

Curmudgeon Day

Posted in Poem, Undogegorized by chamblee54 on January 29, 2017

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This is the second attempt to keep a journal. The first time was friday. At some point, PG saw some dust on an electrical outlet, and tried to brush it off. In so doing, PG turned the switch off. The notes, up to that point, had not been saved, and were lost. Jesus never loses any of his data, because #Jesussaves. (spell check suggestion: suaveness)

The poem today is based on 6 Famous Literary Quotes Everyone Uses Exactly Wrong. These six lines are from famous literature, mostly Shakespeare. The fact that PG has been on a Shakespeare insult binge lately should be of no concern to anyone. The wisdom has been made to fit in 31 character lines. The poem will not be an accurate reproduction.

The first step is to determine the size of the letters. You take the longest line of text, and paste it into the text composition file. You increase the size of the letters. When the letters are as big as they can be, without spilling over into the next line, that is the size of your letters. Today, the font is candara, the size is 44. The inside color is 192 gray, while the border is 96 green. You write this down in your text file, in case you forget later. For more information on text creation, see this tutorial.

Background pictures are mannequins from Perimeter Mall. These plastic people are easy to photograph, if you can just get past the attitude. The images will be jazzed up, so that mama mannequin won’t be embarrassed by her daughter.

Now that the font, size, color, and backgrounds are known. The rest of the process is mechanical. Create the text. Fit the text to the pictures. Save (or export) the final product. At this stage, your enemy is distractions. In an ideal world, you would stay off facebook and twitter, not go to the bathroom, and not take any phone calls. We will see how this goes.

Before the first text file is created, PG goes to twitter. There is a post from @bitchywaiter, flogging a blog post How To Enjoy Being in a Party of 25. He could have summed it up in one word :don’t. The one word option also applies to the decision to read the post.

The downloads folder has a sub folder for podcasts. Typically, PG downloads every episode of a handful of shows, and selected episodes of other shows that catch his eye. These tend to pile up, only to vanish in a fit of binge listening. Maybe today is a good day for fiction. There is “A Visit”… “Richard Powers joins Deborah Treisman to read and discuss Steven Millhauser’s “A Visit,” from a 1997 issue of the magazine.” The New Yorker just has a way with words. Fiction podcasts are hit or miss. The batting average is about .300, which is good for baseball, and so so for podcasts.

A few minutes later, the text files have been finished. It is time to check them. Open up every one, and see that it matches the text for that line. To do this, the podcast has been turned off. The story is about a man, going to visit his one time best friend. It seems like an appealing tale, which means PG will finish listening to it.

When PG stopped, he could not resist the temptation to look at facebook. There was a “sponsored” post from Cracked.com. It was the seminal article, 6 Famous Literary Quotes Everyone Uses Exactly Wrong. At one time, Cracked was a cheap imitation of MAD magazine. It has evolved into a clickbait farm. The facebook comeon: “Do you hear that sound? It’s the screams of millions of hipsters as they race for tattoo removal.”

When the text files were checked, there was a mistake. File03 was a duplicate of file02, instead of the text from line03. This is why the files are checked. While correcting this error, another file will be changed. Instead of saying and never the twain will meet, it will read and never mark twain will meet.

Two of the six pictures are finished. The coffee has run out, and will replaced by either tea or water. The story has taken a turn. The old friend is living in a shack. He is married to a frog. They are about to drink wine, out of glasses with Winnie the Pooh characters painted on the side.

Soon the story is over. The man leaves the house after one night, realizing he will never see his friend again. There were no graphic accounts of man/frog intercourse. The moving lips are going to discuss the story, and PG is not going to listen.

January 29 is #curmudgeonsday. Is saying happy #curmudgeonsday appropriate? It is the sunday before the super bowl, and the reality of winter is tough to escape. Maybe PG should finish the poem, and quit looking at twitter.

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