Catalog Part Seven

Posted in Poem by chamblee54 on June 28, 2018

Wonder Weasel
shake hands with a salami cluster bomb – its got a beat you can dance to it
whitewash the fence with huck and tom – spray whipped cream on a banana split
trigger therapeutic trouser snake – satin head serpent of carnal knowledge
tenderize lumberjack happy tube steak – put mr. kleenex’s kids through college
pull your own baloney pony weight – put relish on your hot dog spaghetti
play tag with your pink torpedo mate – wax one-eyed wonder weasel chevy
plug in semen extraction toaster – calibrate satanic surge protector
ram the ham secret sauce roaster – tip off the crazy hand jive inspector

my faithful darling my sweet-eyed – blackguard schoolgirl be my whore
my mistress as much as you like – your cunt does another dirty thing
your hot cheeks and eyes my little cuntie – fuck your two rosy-tipped bubbies
she wants me to roger her arseways – to come on your face and squirt it over
small things give me a great cockstand – the horn I had was not big enough
I am going to lie down and pull at myself – till I come lie frigging all day looking

here in body now is the place to be – it is never too late to do nothing mate
invite thoughts in don’t serve them tea – to talk to god pray to listen meditate
always remember breathe to be free

White Trash Tinkle
blue eye devil betty crocker – big nose cabbage degenerate
becky bubba crisco cracker – buffy clampett confederate
lily munster elvis fruitcake – yogurt yuppie yaku winkle
ofay opie paleface pancake – whiskey tango white trash tinkle

vegas showman ill-fitting trouser tubes – unpleasant smell emanating outside
stick figure curly hair smiley face boobs – bride of frankenstein makeup petrified
deodorant congealed to little chunks – ensnared among matted armpit jungle
past vomitorium to the privy drunks – pungent bluecheese crumble antifungal
clutching empty bottle of thunderbird – scent that smells like embalming fluid flan
mutilated corpse of mortimer snerd – a cunning plan hatched by a punning clan
muzak thrum of manilow’s greatest hits – bury her husband’s body bleeding misfits

puff the magic dragon fellatio – play a million songs bubba can sing
penis pleasure palace arpeggio – the oral majority happening
happy focus on whimsical motion – gentle enjoyment for the clitoris
magic magenta pillow commotion – liberate sodomy brontosaurus
parade every nerve ending he has – tease us like lovely horndogs we are
play over 6,000 nerve ending jazz – pretend your tongue is a feather guitar
embody purply sensitivity – harmony ecstasy festivity

two hungry cannibals eating a clown – does this fellow taste funny to you slim
this guy walked into a bar with a frown – man should have looked in front of him
what is a bee born in may a maybe – there was a little girl in nantucket
prisoner takes own mug shot a cell-fie – how do you keep a moron in suspense

Cross The Road
where’s the best place to hide a dead body – try page two of google search results
why was six afraid of seven mommy – because seven ate nine happy adults
need more gates around graveyards because – the people are just dying to get in
why did van gogh become painter who draws – he just didn’t have an ear for music my friend
why did the old duck cross the road kick’n – to prove that he wasn’t just a chicken
why did the duck get arrested out back – maybe because he was peddling quack
why did the chicken commit suicide – he wanted to get to the other side

watermelons marry they cant elope – didn’t like my beard but it grew on me
are the frogs high they are smoking croak – what kind of bee makes milk? a boo bee
to hurt lady gaga poker face taint – you count cows with a cowculator fist
whats red smells like blue paint red paint – goodbye boiling water you will be mist

#aduckwalksintoabar waddle it be – sends pretty lady unwanted duck pic
self medication for the mallardy – get a quack fix from heron dealer nick
a dyslexic duck walks into a bra – gets hammered skips out on his bill
i don’t know the tune but i’ll wing it raw – its donald duck not donald trump chill

Caucasian Cha Cha
many opinions ’bout white folks who dance – some look down their nose at the spectacle
we are having fun so we take the chance – so what if its not quite respectable
some people don’t like caucasian cha cha – no matter what we do or don’t wear
giggle and point and call our moves caca – we will have too much fun to care
jitterbug watusi macarena – suzy q boogie woogie mambo
pom pom jelly roll mosh pit polka – two step electric slide foxtrot disco
an opinion is often compared to a hole – lay down the beat and light up your soul

One of the stars at Java Monkey Speaks performed at a festival in North Carolina. When he got back, there was a comment about white people there, who like goofy looking dancing more that wearing deodorant. What this person did not know was that people who like dancing, more than deodorant, are my kind of people. This poem was read the next week. The star poet, who inspired this protest, was hobnobbing in the lobby while this poem was read.

no matter your childish protestation – jitterbug watusi macarena
decay and ruin of civilization – pom pom jelly roll mosh pit polka
crafting a wig from waterlogged hair – can can charleston madison rumba
g-d is oblivious to your prayer – fandango mashed potato cha cha
a banal and empty platitude piss – two step electric slide foxtrot mambo
will tumble with you into the abyss – suzy q boogie woogie disco

Walk Into A Bar
past present future walk into a bar – heard through the grapevine it was tense
why did the cow cross the road over thar – to get to the udder side of the fence
ham’n cheese sandwich walks into the station – bartender says that we don’t serve food
see the hot new movie constipation – would go but it hasn’t come out yet dude
would you like the milk in a sack son – no dad you can keep it in the carton
how do you make the holy water fit – you just boil the living hell out of it
what did one volcano say to the other – volcano i lava you like a brother

bungee jumping hit bungee speed bump – running with lorena bobbitt scissors
could not remember safe word sisters – was the proofreader for donald trump
look ma no hands hold my beer applaud – erection lasted over five hours
all you can eat marijuana flowers – talk about fight club double dare g-d
peroxide leaches through skull tennessee – hillary clinton suicided me
left iron on tweeting from the bathroom – forgot that jesus flew out of the tomb
wanted to try drano bubble bath – swiped right on hallelujah psychopath

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