Catalog Part Eight

Posted in Poem by chamblee54 on June 29, 2018

comma splice walks into a bar it has a drink and then leaves
gerund and infinitive walk into a bar drinking to drink
three intransitive verbs walk into a bar they sit they drink they leave

First They Came
first they came for the weirdos i said nothing because i was normal
then they came for those who frowned i said they have a negative attitude
they came for the lonely and depressed i said nothing because it is their choice
then they came for those they label racist i said nothing i do not defend racism
then they came for me there was no one left to speak up

#SignsOfANeighborFromHell Part One
infected tree falling in the driveway – bathtub on the porch toilet in the dell
sneak out of diner when it’s time to pay – aromatic children smoking dog smell
talk about the babysitter out loud – say this is better than birmingham
garden gnome has pitchfork and crowd – junior plays hopscotch on a pentagram

#signsofaneighborfromhell parts two and three
these are the #signsofaneighborfromhell – dog tries to kill one more chicken
brimstone barbeque with a gnarly smell – cooked on a charcoal grill in the kitchen
sacrifice of goats while you are sleeping – has a personal relationship with jesus
horns on the head pointy tail squeaking – talking in tongues about his penis
she knocks to ask you for a cup of meth – grumpy postal worker with bad breath
big hair honey smokes marlboro butts – all the little boys have mullet haircuts
she lights the garden grill with her finger – fat children ask if are you a swinger

alluvial shit piss and corruption – excremental feculent forgotten
festering fornication suction – dental hygiene of johnny rotten
contaminated vessel of disrepute – wipe silverware clean with your shirt
ewwie gooey vomitory for the loot – grunt and groan diarrhea squirt
bloviating dumpster of human drool – colostomy regurgitation stew
pornographic penile pustule – oozing pollution what would jesus do

It is now time for #NationalPoetryMonth, and another thirty for thirty.

joy of finding change in a payphone – wear a dress backwards for charm
hillary clinton for president crone – def leppard drummer with right arm
hairball retrieved from shower drain – can be dried out and glued on tight
oreo stuffing fights toothpaste pain – two wrongs do not make you right
out of toilet paper? find a doggie – lick mud you find at a port a pottie
say “you” instead of “u” in a text – when you cry wolf at night after sex
grace to know the difference between – true wisdom and clever string of sheen

blow job boner boogie woogie boo boo – freaky french fry mambo mama gobble
cunnilingus cock sucker gaggle cuckoo – carpetmuncher deepthroat wigglewobble
pussy peepee penis pinga pecker – fellatio hair pie hookup hoover head
johnson junkjuice knobjob chubbydecker – monica lewinsky muff diver fred
skin flute salad sister sixtynine slurp – wang chung verga down wet willie spurt
glimmer lady clitoris dancing stupor – doober your uber upside my goober
lick swallow cowboy sucky fucky witch – gonna suck the chrome off a trailerhitch

henry charles chinaski bukowski – would hate my sonnet if he had a chance
at coffee drinking open mic poetry – dickhater georgia gothic romance
hank thinks poems that rhyme are a bore – like baseball nuns or men who cry
some people think he died in ninety four – california dirt will tell you don’t try
hank still has a racetrack episode – bets on number nine horse to kill
with a twenty fished out of the commode – after taking a dump on top of the bill
forever spitting out poems like hot turds – on the morning after beer drunk words

maybe i never just went very honestly – swashbuckling rutabaga mannequins
i hope that i should but i can’t literally – skedaddle spelunker shenanigans
i’ll try but i’ve got a problem absolutely – brouhaha pumpernickel appetite
irregardless i have to stuff things really – quintessential humbuggery morphodite
strumpet ragamuffin charlie mingus – discombobulated cunnilingus
umpteen bunghole kaleidoscope fantasy – nincompoop fooey latrine manatee
cuckhold phalanx tomfoolery bongo – kumquat lollygag idiot mambo

caucasian opinion is like an asshole – it should be clean quiet kept out of sight
unlike a preacher who covets your soul – and motivates you to go out and fight
put labels on jars not on my brother – conservative racist or liberal
or terrorist who’s always the other – words that divide us like a cannibal
is it a lie or can it be true – if the lips are moving that is a clue
don’t even wait for demagogue shout – the devil knows the bible in and out
media manipulation to spend – never forget we are all god’s children

turn the black and white TV knob slow – watch two five eight eleven if you dare
stay up late for the johnny carson show – then television goes off the air
just putting on my shoes is a chore – either take viagra or be obsolete
pay cash for cassettes at record store – dancing to the wqxi beat
leisure suit jacket looked pretty sporty – what once was a 6 pack is now a 40
sing along with hee haw made me smile – where’s the star on a rotary phone dial
no ma’am I dont know what idk means – why would anyone ever say cool beans

#mydogstolemyphoneand found legs to hump – acts like he hasn’t done anything wrong
tweets more coherent than @realdonaldtrump – tail dialing friends taking hits from a bong
invites buddies over for poker night – sent fifi selfies of his doggie junk
texted stormy spaniels got in a fight – called on uber he’s at the bar drunk
ordered pizza with pineapple donuts – listed pals with a picture of their butts
rude message calling our cat a jerk – told teacher i didn’t do my homework
joined to get dates – when I get a call the stomach vibrates

bathe in swamp water for a youthful glow – lose your toothbrush? find a live weasel
go lick your vibrator clean tomorrow – dollar store cologne instead of diesel
smoke the breath mints in the urinal – floss is too flimsy try a razor blade
fill both sides of toilet paper y’all – lick bathroom floor at the colonnade
bug spray deodorant in a pinch – perfume covers republican stench
you never have to wipe a clean cut crap – if you piss in the sink with spinal tap
use meth to whiten and strengthen smile – kinky groovy sex at walmart lifestyle

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