Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest 2018

Posted in GSU photo archive, Undogegorized, Writing Contest by chamblee54 on August 31, 2018

The Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest for 2018 has finally been relaeased. It usually appears the first week of August, but for some reason was late this time. “Since 1982 the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest has challenged man, woman, and (precocious) child to write an atrocious opening sentence to a hypothetical bad novel.” It is named for Sir Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, a Victorian novelist of some note. This year, we learn that EGBL wrote the phrase, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Rumor has it that the space after pen was a post mortem bowlderization.

PG has been writing about the BLFC for many years, and was anxious about the late arrival this year. The contest web page has a new look, which is appreciated. Sir Bulwer-Lytton cleaned up good when it was time to paint his portrait. Unfortunately, the overall contest winner is presented as a .jpg, which means the text cannot be pasted. Here is the 2018 winner.

As a value added feature of BLFC coverage, PG compiles a list of contestants with funny names. Inclusion on this list is not an indication of being a bad writer, or a good writer of bad prose. Here is the cheat sheet: Shelley Siddall, West Kelowna, BC, Canada, Bridget Parmenter, Katy, TX, Mark Wisnewski, Flanders, NJ, Aasha Sankpal, Monroe, CT, Thomas Purdy, Roseville, CA, Ralph Cutting, Kingston Upon Thames, England, Jay Dardenne, Baton Rouge LA, Talha bin Hamid, Karachi, Pakistan, Peter Seakat, Rochester, NY, Shea Charkowsky, Santa Clara, CA, Hwei Oh, North Balgowlah, Sydney, Australia, Marsha Engelbrecht, Lafayette, LA, Sylvi Warshaver-Stein, New York, NY, Ava Zaleski, Lisle, IL, Brent Guernsey, Springfield, VA, Ben Handy, Philadelphia, PA.

Two of the writers this year are from Georgia. One of them is somebody. They are given special status in the Chamblee54 BLFC report. This year, the C54BLFC confab is posted over Labor Day weekend, along with Dragon Con, The Dickhater Book Festival, Burning Man, and more fabulicity than most people can process.The pictures for the post today are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.

Phoebe sighed happily as she read the text from Mark asking her to be “friends with benefits,” as she thought maybe, just maybe, she would finally get that 401k and dental insurance.
Amber Burns, Calhoun, GA

In preparation for visits by African dignitaries, we had redecorated the West Wing of the White House in an African motif with numerous artificial plants and animals, but the President asked that we remove the papier-mache wildebeests, saying he was “tired of fake gnus.”
Wm. “Buddy” Ocheltree, Snellville, GA

Dreaded Pirate Larry was somewhat worried, as he looked down at his boot, where his first mate was stretched out, making whooshing sounds, attempting to blow him over, that despite having the fastest ship, the most eye patches, and the prettiest parrots, his crew may need a few lessons on the difference between literal and figurative, as evidenced by the rest of the crew applying ice to the timbers. Shelley Siddall, West Kelowna, BC, Canada

I knew that dame was trouble as soon as I set eyes on her, see: there was a stain on her clingy dress, wine, difficult to get out (you notice these things when you’ve been in the business as long as I have); there was a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of her high heel, cherry, that would leave a gristly pink trail following her every step (you pick up on these things when you are as experienced as I); and when she coolly asked me directions to the detective’s office, I pointed her down the hall and went back to mopping the floor. Bridget Parmenter, Katy, TX

Nothing looked familiar to Travis, who, recalling a favorite line from Tolkien — “Not all those who wander are lost” — reckoned the “not all” part implied that most who wander, like himself, are in fact lost, yet buzzards would pick his bones before he would think to ask for directions.
Dr Joel Phillips, West Trenton, NJ

My escape from heavily-guarded Cochon Island, a Hungarian penal colony founded by the Gabor sisters, would have to be well-planned and faultlessly executed, I thought to myself, “and I’m just not the right man for it,” so I stayed and lived out my days there, because having a Gabor slap you around wasn’t that bad, especially when they said “dahling” afterwards. Kevin M. Kinzer, Spokane, WA

“Pooh,” said Piglet inquisitively, “I don’t believe the quantum interplay of dark energy and black holes allows for the anti-matter superposition of a Higgs-Boson vector that you are postulating transported you thru an n-dimensional carbon lattice and got you stuck in the hunny tree . . . just sayin’.”
Tim Metz, Kokomo, IN

For rookie detective Lara Stinson, the hardest aspect of her most recent case was not discovering that the adolescent victim had been thrown from the tenth story of the apartment building by his own grandmother, but rather trying to spell “defenestration by octogenarian” in her subsequent report. Thomas Purdy, Roseville, CA

Inspecteur Rollin of the Paris murder squad lit a cigarette as he stood over the body of la prostituée engorgée (to those readers who don’t know French, a prostitute with her throat cut and, indeed, how else would one describe her — la pute, la fille de joie, la vendeuse de sexe, la travailliste de la rue?) which lay on the Voie Georges Pompidou under the arches of le Pont Neuf on the rive droite of la Seine which flows through the most beautiful city in the world.
Ralph Cutting, Kingston Upon Thames, England

Who knew what answers the elongated, odd-shaped gray trunk would reveal, but there was no doubt that in solving the mysterious homicide at the zoo the great weight of evidence pointed to the elephant in the room. Jay Dardenne, Baton Rouge LA

You Have More Honor

Posted in Poem by chamblee54 on August 30, 2018

Chuck Palahniuk And Joe Rogan

Posted in Library of Congress, Undogegorized by chamblee54 on August 30, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1158 – Chuck Palahniuk hit the internet recently. Mr. Palahniuk (Paula Neek) writes trendy books, most famously Fight Club. Mr. Palahniuk is pleased to hear people say “the first rule of…” It makes him think he has had an impact on the culture.
Inevitably, authors talk about their writing habits. Mr. Palahniuk fills up notebooks in longhand. When he gets bored, or is killing time in an airport, he begins to type these notes. To quote Truman Capote, this is not writing, this is typing.

One of the themes of this conversation is what offends people. The author of Guts knows about giving offense. Often, people are not especially offended themselves, but are offended on behalf of other people. Mr. Palahniuk uses the phrase “white knighting,” to describe this protective umbrage taking. Per urban dictionary: “White knighting Defending someone who does not wish to be defended.” White knighting is woke whitesplaining.

Two especially tasteful stories were told. If you are inclined to get offended, for any reason at all, you probably should skip over these two stories. The pictures, by The Library of Congress, are safe. Both of these stories are by well known authors, who are named in the interview. If you want to know who they are, you will have to listen to the interview.
Once again, these stories are hard core, and you should take great caution in reading them. If you like these stories, there are more in the podcast.
Upon further consideration, it has been determined that one of the stories is too much. If you want to hear it, you can listen to the podcast. … The break room at a hospital was next to the room where autopsies were performed, with a glass window looking in. A twelve year old boy was on the slab, having died in a bicycle accident. The Pathologist cut away the boy’s face, and peeled it back, so that it hung over his jaw. This exposed a dark red layer of muscle, covering the face. The man looked at this, and said “that’s the color I want to paint my den.”

Mr. Palahniuk has had a lively career. A crooked business manager stole a great deal of money from him. Since he is no longer filthy rich, but merely filthy minded, he continues to produce books. Fight Club 3 is in the pipeline. It will probably be accompanied by a promotional tour, with more grossout stories for the clamoring public.

Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. Paul Carter, 1903-1938, photographer Date Created/Published: Sept. 1936 Untitled photo, possibly related to: Negro workers on Newport News Homesteads, Virginia Untitled photo, possibly related to: Negroes on a picnic, Newport News, Virginia Lunch hour at Newport News Homesteads, Virginia

Spin Cycle

Posted in Poem by chamblee54 on August 29, 2018

The Ten Suggestions

Posted in Library of Congress, Undogegorized by chamblee54 on August 29, 2018











Someone had an idea for a book. The result is Atheist Mind, Humanist Heart: Rewriting the Ten Commandments for the Twenty-first Century. The method was modern. Instead of waiting for a grumpy deity to send down tablets of stone, some academics sent a box of suggestions to a committee. committee. Here are the chosen “non-commandments.”
01– Be open-minded and be willing to alter your beliefs with new evidence.
02– Strive to understand what is most likely to be true, not to believe what you wish to be true.
03– The scientific method is the most reliable way of understanding the natural world.
04– Every person has the right to control over their body.
05– God is not necessary to be a good person or to live a full and meaningful life.
06– Be mindful of the consequences of all your actions,
and recognize that you must take responsibility for them.
07– Treat others as you would want them to treat you,
and can reasonably expect them to want to be treated. Think about their perspective.
08– We have the responsibility to consider others, including future generations.
09– There is no one right way to live.
10– Leave the world a better place than you found it.
You have to give credit for trying. It might sell a few books. The non-commandments don’t have the benefit of translation by a poetry minded Englishmen. They have a stodgy feel. It is not likely that anyone will file a lawsuit over a stone rendering of these thoughts.
The popular commandments are found in Exodus 20: 3 – 17. They are considered core beliefs of a religion that values belief over practice. In other words, just believe something, and don’t worry about what you do. There is also Exodus 20: 23. Ye shall not make with me G-ds of silver, neither shall ye make unto you G-ds of gold. This would seem to be worthy of inclusion in the big time ten. It might interfere with the capitalist free market economy, but you can always say you believe it.
When your religion is claimed by a majority of your neighbors, you enjoy #ChristianPrivilege. You can even whine about #WhitePrivilege, while enjoying the benefits of #ChristianPrivilege. One day, the pound sign will go back to meaning number, and the #hashtag will be mercifully forgotten, along with the Ten Non-Commandments.
If you get past the religious whoopeedo, the Ten Commandments hold up as good rules for living. The fact that the self anointed religious people routinely violate many of these fine rules should not be taken into consideration. They believe in the commandments, and can, loudly, explain why their actions are not a problem. After a while, PG just wants freedom from religion.
Part two is a repost. After Exodus 20, there are ten thoughts about the Ten Commandments.












1 And G-d spake all these words, saying,
2 I [am] the LORD thy G-d, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt,
out of the house of bondage.
3 Thou shalt have no other G-ds before me.
4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness [of any thing] that [is] in heaven above, or that [is] in the earth beneath, or that [is] in the water under the earth:
5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy G-d [am] a jealous G-d, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children
unto the third and fourth [generation] of them that hate me;
6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. 7 Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy G-d in vain;
for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
10 But the seventh day [is] the sabbath of the LORD thy G-d: [in it] thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that [is] within thy gates:
11 For [in] six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them [is], and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
12 Honour thy father and thy mother:
that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy G-d giveth thee.
13 Thou shalt not kill.
14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.
15 Thou shalt not steal.
16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour’s.
A The ten commandos are not meant to be believed. They are meant to be practiced.
B If you take away the religious whoopdeedoo,
the ten commandos hold up as common sense rules for living.
C If you ever meet someone who claims to practice all of the commandos,
then you are dealing with a liar.
D We are all G-d’s children. She gave you a heart and a mind. When in doubt, trust your heart. E The first commando is powerful and under appreciated.
It does not include books about G-d, or the so called son of G-d.
F There is an ongoing controversy about the public display of the ten commandos. Some say such displays violate the second commando.
PG wonders if having a sign forbidding lying and stealing is going to work in a courthouse.
G The third commando is more than G-d’s last name. It is about the proper use of a sacred name. In a perfect world, the word G-d would only be used for worship and respectful discussion. A “pledge of allegiance” to a nationalist symbol is not an appropriate use of a sacred name.
H Sunday is too fine of a day to spend inside a church house.
I When you are discussing religion, it is normal to be a hypocrite.
If you disagree with someone, the easiest argument to scream hypocrisy.
J Whenever possible, show kindness to your neighbor.
K The text for Exodus 20 is courtesy of King James Bible Online. Pictures are from The Library of Congress. This is a repost.


Super Bowl

Posted in Poem by chamblee54 on August 28, 2018

Wanted To Sleep

Posted in Poem by chamblee54 on August 28, 2018

I Wash Mine Daily

Posted in Library of Congress, Weekly Notes by chamblee54 on August 27, 2018

TsMadison Hosting “The ALL WHITE SOIRÉE”for EMORY clinical Research ~ Atlanta Monster ~ conservative humor ~ disgraceland ~ einstein ~ How Poetry Came to Matter Again ~ At Least 58 People Shot In Chicago This Weekend; 6 Dead, 52 Wounded ~ Julian S. Carr, “Unveiling of Confederate Monument at University. June 2, 1913” ~ Julian Carr ~ @jjones9 From white supremacist Julian Carr’s speech at the dedication of Silent Sam in 1913 ~ silent sam ~ wbts nonsense ~ Shelby Foote on “The Great Compromise” ~ Another View of Shelby Foote ~ slavery and global warming ~ why was the war fought ~ From Sixties hippies to anarchist drag queens, I discovered one cultural treasure after another ~ Father calls inured daughter a hero for saving mom from oncoming MARTA train ~ Young girl lured to motel, forced into ‘sex trafficking’ ~ talking heads 1975 ~ hobo code ~ @chamblee54 what are the names of pork industry magazines @dandrezner @natsecHeather ~ JORDAN PETERSON EXPLAINS GOD WHILE SAM HARRIS LOSES HIS MIND ~ splc bs ~ @BallbusterF Hey @StormyDaniels no one likes a nasty cunt! @StormyDaniels Agreed! Which is why I wash mine daily. ~ Gay Trump supporter alerts FBI that Grindr shut down his account ~ Atlanta Drag Club GM Publishes Transphobic Messages ~ Modestly Strong but Malleable Support for Single-Payer Health Care ~ The Vanishing Idealism of Burning Man ~ ag statement ~ Darron Glass ~ Mom charged with DUI after wreck on Ga. 400 that killed her 2 kids ~ Two officers suspended for a day after body cam video was leaked of the Denver mayor’s son berating cops during traffic stop ~ Food Words That Are Also Verbs fritter, hock, shoulder, rib, juice, wine, junket, carp, hare, fish, milk, pork, trifle, mushroom, curry, scallop, chip, duck, cream, flounder, egg, shake, butter, sprout, jam, chicken, toast, sandwich, waffle ~ A Father’s Responsibility ~ rat park/bert ~ Taylor Swift Interviews Rock ’n’ Roll Icon Pattie Boyd on Songwriting, Beatlemania, & the Power of Being a Muse ~ Joe Rogan Experience #1158 – Chuck Palahniuk ~ A Minimalist’s Guide to Camper Van Conversions ~ Racists Don’t Like Their Racism Video Taped. Boo Hoo. ~ Backpage Plea to Texas Sex Trafficking Charge Turns On CEO’s Admission to Brokering Adult Prostitution ~ Rep. Handel TV Ad: Combat Human Trafficking “The first bill that Congresswoman Handel co-sponsored after winning last year’s special election was H.R. 1865, which passed the House in February, and was signed into law by President Trump in April. The law had almost immediate results in shutting down Backpage, and many other online recruiting and advertising sites for Human Trafficking.” ~ David Foster Wallace on John McCain: ‘The Weasel, Twelve Monkeys and the Shrub’ ~ cultural appropriation ~ Man accused of urinating on girl, 5, and calling her racial slur: police ~ Prosecutors: Story of man urinating on black girl made up ~ contra panic ~ @BallbusterF Hey @StormyDaniels no one likes a nasty cunt! @StormyDaniels Agreed! Which is why I wash mine daily. ~ eight best crime podcasts ~ Attn. Facebook Enthusiasts: You are not required to express an opinion about #JohnMcCain ~ @cheezit On December 26th, experience the cheesy crunchy satisfaction of Cheez-It crackers in the biggest college football bowl yet, the Cheez-It Bowl. @chamblee54 Is this satire? @cheezit Thanks for asking, Luther. You feta believe that it’s real! You can learn more about this exciting event here ~ pictures today are from The Library of Congress. Greensboro, Greene County, Georgia. Playing checkers outside a service station on a Saturday afternoon _ Marion Post Wolcott, 1910-1990, photographer _ Date Created/Published: June 1939 ~ seven more words to six sixty six
This is the poem from last night at Java Monkey:
been to the mountaintop been to the sea ~ body part insults and other such jive
heard happy talk about being free ~ maybe its just my time to be alive
laughed with morticia lusted for lurch ~ got tested for drugs look out for disease
wanted to sleep so i dropped out of church ~ back skull feet eyes blood pressure knees
blow twenty five points in the super bowl ~ both jesus and satan work over my soul
i gave up the reefer and gave up the beer ~ one thing i will never give up is the queer
it has taken this long to find my voice ~ i’m glad my mother did not take the choice ~ selah

The Cost Of Football

Posted in Library of Congress, Undogegorized by chamblee54 on August 26, 2018

Football is just around the corner. The teams are busy with the pre season, and soon weekends will be full of hitting and drinking. Perhaps this is a good time to wonder whether football is worth the human cost. Especially now, with a national debate raging about the future of our health care. Football injuries keep hospitals hopping during the autumn.

This is the annual post about the down side of football. There is a helping of hypocrisy here, as PG enjoys watching the hits. Pictures are from The Library of Congress.

Football season is here. While the games are fun to watch, the players are paying the price. Your health insurance premiums just might be affected.

Football is a contact sport. On every play, the linemen block other lineman to keep them from tackling a back. Someone gets hit on every play. Most of these hits are “clean” and cause only bruises. Some are “dirty”, and cause injuries. Even the clean hits can hurt someone.

It is estimated that 187,000 emergency room visits every year are due to football. What if an illegal drug sent 187k to the er annually? There would be a hue and cry to kill the pushers.

Knee injuries are especially prevalent. An estimated 45,000 knee operations are performed each year due to football injuries. Arthroscopy is a wonderful invention.

With all those helmets slamming into each other, head injuries occur.
“The researchers found that there is approximately one catastrophic head injury per every 150,000 athletes playing, or 7 catastrophic injuries yearly. There were 0.67 injuries per 100,000 players at the high school level and 0.21 injuries per 100,000 for college level football players.” Often, the coaches get caught up in the do or die spirit of a big game, and don’t get the player the medical attention that he needs. “Football is a very macho sport. Athletes are taught to play through pain,” …“But concussions range in severity and symptoms, so all a player may experience is a headache several hours after impact. High school players need to be educated in these symptoms and encouraged to self report.”
Even cheerleading squads are reporting more injuries, due to botched stunts.

When you see the players in their youthful glory, you don’t think what they will look like after they quit playing. Many players know this, but the lure of today’s glory justifies the pain of tomorrow. The heroes of yesterday often walk with pain today.

Nothing So Petty

Posted in Poem by chamblee54 on August 25, 2018

Wonderful Tonight

Posted in Book Reports, History, Library of Congress, Music by chamblee54 on August 25, 2018

Wonderful Tonight: George Harrison, Eric Clapton, and Me is the book for Pattie Boyd. Ms. Boyd has the copyright to herself, with presumed ghostwriter Penny Junor given *with* credit. The former Patricia Anne Boyd has had quite a life.

Ms. Boyd was born at a young age. Her family moved to Kenya, where they had many cool adventures. Her parents split up, her mother remarried, and her stepfather was a horrible man. The Boyds, who by now included several more children, moved back to England. Pattie went to convent school, then went to live in London. She got a job in a beauty salon, when one day someone suggested she try modelling. At times, this story sounds like a movie.

Pattie was working as a model, including some TV commercials. Richard Lester noticed her, and hired her as a school girl in “A Hard Days Night.” George Harrison noticed her, and they were soon an item. Meanwhile, swinging sixties London was in fast forward mode. Pattie Boyd plugged herself into the sex, drugs, and rock and roll lifestyle, and had her share of good times.

George wrote “Something” about his glamorous young bride. His pal Eric Clapton took note, and wrote “Layla.” Eric was in pursuit for many years, writing many beautiful love letters. Finally, as her marriage to George was winding down, Pattie took up with Eric. It was great fun for a while, until Eric’s alcoholism spoiled things. Pattie left Eric, came back, got married to him, and stuck around until Eric got another lady pregnant. (Conor Clapton died tragically in 1991.) The story goes on, and on, until the book was written in 2008. According to wikipedia, Pattie is going strong in 2018. She married Rod Weston, husband number three, in 2015.

Wonderful Tonight is a fun book to read. Penny Junor knows how to tell a story. The life of Pattie Boyd is full of struggle, as well as glamour. Many of the people, including Pattie’s sisters, struggle with addiction. One gets the sense that this, like many autobiographies, puts the subject in the most flattering light possible. There is probably another side to many of these stories. If they can be told as skillfully as this one is, these stories would be worth reading.

Pictures today are from The Library of Congress. “Winter bathing, Smiths Casino, Miami, Feb. 6, 1921″ W. A. (William A.) Fishbaugh, copyright claimant … No renewal found in Copyright Office.

Kind For Show

Posted in Poem by chamblee54 on August 24, 2018