Chamblee54

Natural Foods

Posted in Library of Congress, Undogegorized by chamblee54 on November 27, 2018


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
The best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted. It is always fatal.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Health is merely the slowest possible rate a which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not good for anything,
but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days,
no one ever talks about seeing UFOs anymore?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
“I’m squeezing these dangly things here, and drinking whatever comes out?”
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there?
I’m eating the next thing that comes outta its bottom.”

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Pictures are from The Library of Congress. Somebody else thought of them.

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