Chamblee54

The Assumption Of Good Faith Is Crumbled

Posted in Uncategorized by chamblee54 on July 30, 2011







“You are old, Mr Clarke,” the woman said, stunned,
“And your music has gone out of style;
Yet your circles are full and your comments +1’d
Have you been on the net a long while?”

“In my youth,” Mr. Clarke replied to the lass,
“Our flamewars used genuine fires.
I still carve my zeroes; my ones are hand-cast.
They barely fit through the wires.”

“You are old,” said the girl, “you once used AOL
As shorthand to mean ‘you are clueless’.
I’ve no doubt at all you were once on the WELL —
Are you awestruck by all the newness?”

“In my youth,” said the blogger, pausing his post,
“Discussions on Usenet were clever.
And here we are still, and I don’t mean to boast,
But I’m just as witty as ever.”

“You are old, said the girl again, “antedating
Both Napster and Wikipedia.
Are you really a part of the world we’re creating
With sharing and social media?”

“In my youth” said the writer, “we shared without fail:
The carbon would blacken our cc’s.
We guessed from their style which posters were male,
But often we doubted their species.”

“You are old,” said the girl, “I can scarcely believe
The time you have been wasting in chatter.
What famines and poverties did you relieve
What injustices did you shatter?”

“I have answered three questions, and that is enough,”
Said Chris; “Tell me how if you’re friendless
You expect you can change all of that crucial stuff?
The potential of wank is just endless.”
Abi Sutherland – Jul 28, 2011

I
Among twenty spammy newsgroups,
The only moving thing
Was the yap of the newbie.

II
I was of three minds,
Like a tree
That was linked on Metafilter.

III
The noob mailed everyone he knew.
Text was a small part of the GIFs in MIME.

IV
A man and a woman
Are one.
A man is a woman, and a newbie
+1s.

V
I do not know which to prefer,
The beauty of clueless yammering
Or the beauty of WTF,
The newbie tweeting
Or just after.

VI
Giffy files filled my long window
With iterative trash.
The shadow of the LOLcat
Crossed it, to and fro.
The newb
Posted in shadow
An indecipherable meme.

VII
O bloggers of Godwin,
Why do you bother with golden words?
Do you not see how the point
Flies over the heads
Of the newbies about you?

VIII
I know mobile access
In lurid, inescapable schisms;
But I know, too,
That the newbie is involved
In [FOO]FAIL 2012.

IX
When the newbie ran out of words,
It made for glee
In one or many circles.

X
At the sight of newbies
Flying in a green light,
Even the pages of Geocities
Would cry out sharply.

XI
He blogged about Lieberman
In a glass house.
Once, a fear pierced him,
That some had mistook
The outlines of his quippage
For a newbie’s.

XII
The cursor is moving.
The newbie must be lying.

XIII
It was September all year.
They were posting
And they were going to post.
The newbie sat
In the Cheeto-crumbs.
Chris Clarke – Jul 28, 2011

Raging and raging in the lengthening thread
The mood will not heed the moderator;
Rules sprout loopholes; the FAQ cannot answer;
Mere trollery is loosed upon the site,

The lambent prose is loosed, and everywhere
The assumption of good faith is crumbled;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some resolution is at hand;
Surely Going Viral is at hand.
Going Viral! Hardly are those words onscreen
When a vast image out of Fandom Wank
Troubles my stream: somewhere in the wilds of the net

A community with zeitgeist and common purpose,
A cause right and pitiless as the sun,
Is searching for a forum, while all their LJs
Trail threads of the approving, supportive THIS’s.
The tweets move on again; but now I know

That 287 TLDs of peaceful sites
Were vexed to nightmare by a raging thread
And what rough horde, its cause come round at last
Slouches toward my website to be borne?
Abi Sutherland – Jul 28, 2011







Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s Eve?
Thou art more trollish and intemperate:
Rough words don’t slake your need to vent your peeve,
And someone here is past their sell-by date:

Sometime too hot the heads of heaven, mind,
And finer posts than yours rejected, Jim;
And every rant from narcissists declined,
Or from their needless words their vowels betrimm’d:

But the endless Septembering you’ve brayed
Has lost possession of what slack I owest;
Nor would Death long bear the crap you’ve laid,

When in these endless threads manure you throwest:
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
Go back under your bridge, and eat my shorts.
Chris Clarke – Jul 28, 2011

The way a friend
@replies to
The tweets I send
On days I’m #blue

Tells my heart
I’m never going to give you up
I’m never going to let you down
Never going to run around and desert you
Abi Sutherland – Jul 28, 2011

Bent double, web designers without slack,
Ache-wristed, hacking with tags, we cursed each kludge,
Till on the table cells we turned our back
And toward semantic code began to trudge.
We did not sleep. Many hours lost, reboots

And trancing iPods. All went numb; the grind;
Drunk with caffeine; deaf even to the suits
Of Hi-Fived Two Point Ohs who then resigned.
Crash! Crash! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Finding the clumsy backup just in time;

While CTO was chilling out and Tumblring,
Websurfing with a Tanqueray and lime . . .
Dim, through the tinted panes and Aeron mesh,
As under a green sea, I saw him clowning.

In all my coding, after each refresh.
His comments in there, muttering, joking, clowning.
If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the bitbucket we flung them in,
And watch one-liners twinkling ‘cross his face,

His sad trombone and tiny violin;
If you could watch him drinking Jolt, the flood
Of banter as he climbed each corporate rung,
Obscene as goatse, bitter as the cud
Of stupid WHASSUP jokes from off his tongue,

My friend, you would not Greek without regret
For clients entre whom you would preneur,
The old Lie; Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet
Consectetur.
Chris Clarke – Jul 28, 2011

This ae site, this ae site,
So long as screen-light glowes,
Joke and jest and fire-fight,
The web preserve thy prose.

When thou from hence art AFK
To Ever September make thy way

If ever thou gavest a newbie grace
Here in comfort take thy place

If taunting newbies was thy thing
Lang may thou with griefing sting

From Ever September click away
To Blogosphere make thou thy way

If ever a stranger thou savéd from flame
Here will others for thou do the same.

If only thy friends were safe with thee
4chan is thy destiny.

From Blogosphere then click away
To Social Media make thy way.

If ever with links thou gavest credit
Thy posts and name be top on Reddit.

If links and credit thou oft left aside
Thy authorship be alway denied.

This ae site, this ae site,
So long as screen-light glowes,
Joke and jest and fire-fight,
The web preserve thy prose.
Abi Sutherland – Jul 28, 2011

Obsidianwings directed Chamblee54 to this exchange. They have links to the original.
The pictures are from The Library of Congress.




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  1. […] the cool people have forgotten about carbon pollution. Obsidianwings posts highly entertaining poetry slams. The American system is either going to go broke, or look like a bunch of idiots, or both. The oil […]


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