#NationalTellAJokeDay

Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog? It was a shih tzu
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica … it was dreadful
How can a woman terrify her gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquists.
How do you circumcise a whale? A: Send down 4 skin divers.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?……………………………………………..
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I entered 10 puns into a contest. I hoped one would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
I hate going to abortion clinics cause there’s never anything to hang your coat
I suffer from kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.
Randy once told a joke to the ruler of China. They didn’t get it because it wasn’t metric
Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.
The guy who invented a place to put symbols on a map, what a legend!
This guy walked into a bar one day. He should have looked in front of him
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal said to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
What concert cost 45 cents? 50 cents featuring Nickelback.
What did number 0 say to number 8? ….nice belt!
What did the policeman say to his stomach ….. you’re under a vest
What did the taxi driver say to the wolf? Where Wolf?
What do doctors give sick birds…. Tweetment
What do you call a bee born in May? A Maybe!
What do you call a guy with a spade in his head? Dug
What do you call a man with a tiny penis? Justin
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie. Happy #nationaljokeday
What do you call nasal sex? Fuck nose….
what’s the difference between a pregnant women and a lightbulb…. You can unscrew a lightbulb
Where do the Polish keep their armies ? in their sleevies
Where’s the best place to hide a dead body? Page 2 of Google search results.
Why are there gates around graveyards? Because people are just dying to get in.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.
Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot!
Why did the duck cross the road …. to prove he wasn’t a chicken
Why did the duck get arrested?? Because he was selling quack
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was out standing in his field.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn’t have an ear for music. ;)
Why do many bars not allow neutrons to enter? Cause they always refuse to be charged..
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
Why was the mermaid wearing seashells? Because she outgrew her B shells
Why was there guitar teacher arrested….. For fingering a minor
Pictures are from “The Special Collections and Archives, Georgia State University Library”.